[Ranma][Fanfic][LIME] Adulthood of a Modern Dynasty - Chapter 5: A Mammoth Battle ======================================================================= Adulthood of a Modern Dynasty Chapter 5: A Mammoth Battle Ranma 1/2 characters/situations created and copyright by Rumiko Takahashi/Shogakukan/Kitty/Fuji/Viz - Used without permission Adulthood of a Modern Dynasty series created, written, and copyright 2000 by Jim Lazar An ongoing series set after the end of the Ranma 1/2 manga and anime. For maximum enjoyment of this fanfic series, please read my Childhood of Modern Dynasty series before reading Adulthood. E-mail comments and/or criticisms to: jim [at] animeprime.com Make sure to check out my Modern Dynasty website for all released AMD stories, graphics files, and other information: http://www.animeprime.com/ff/md ======================================================================= September 2-3, 2005 - India A young girl around ten years old skipped though the woods towards her secret lake, clutching a bouquet of wild flowers in her hand. Her simple, yet pretty, dress fluttered along with her. The yellows of the dress accenting her dark skin perfectly. She smiled as the lake came into view and quickly made her way to the waiting water. She paused a few meters from the shore when she noticed a man wearing dirty robes hunched over the edge of the lake. "My mommy said not to drink from the lake," the girl said in Hindi. The man stopped scooping water into his mouth at hearing her voice, but didn't respond or turn around. "The river water is better." The little girl looked to the north where the river fed into the lake. The man didn't respond. "Want to smell my flowers, mister?" The little girl stepped forward and held out the flowers she had collected on the way to the lake. The man slowly turned around part way, revealing his handsome Asian features to the girl. "Energy," he said in a very crude form of the girl's language. The girl misunderstood the comment. "No, they're flowers. You smell them." The girl demonstrated by sniffing the flowers and then held them out towards the man again. The man leaned forward and sniffed the flowers, revealing the rest of his face to the girl. The girl flinched at first, but then looked closely at the figure's half-male and half-female face. "You look funny." The man was surprised at the calm reaction from the little girl. Everyone else he had come across since his rebirth had screamed and run in terror. Of course, the screaming ended once he had caught them and drained the life from them to replenish his severely depleted energy reserves. "Energy." Reaching for the little girl, he was thankful that he wouldn't have to expend any energy to collect hers. "You're a girl too, mister!!" The girl pulled one of the flowers from her bouquet and put it behind the girl side's ear. "You're pretty!!" The figure put her hand to the female side of her head and smiled. "My name is Anthy, what's yours?" "My name is Shuma." He reached a hand out towards Anthy. "And I need something from you-" He smiled. "-Anthy." -A- -M- -D- The next day after washing her body in the lake, Shuma sat naked on the shore and combed her formerly tangled hair using the brush the little girl had with her the day before. "I'm pretty." She shook her shoulder length hair as she stood up and walked over to the robes that she had cleaned and hung up to dry. She fingered one of the white robes she usually wore under her black cloak. Finding it dry, she slipped it off the tree branch it was hanging on and then wrapped it around her teenage body. She picked a flower and put it behind her ear as she strolled down the lake's shore. She found Anthy on the edge of the lake near the river. "Well, hello." Anthy looked up and smiled. "Hi, Shuma!!" Shuma smiled. "Do I look pretty?" "Sure do." Anthy looked into the woods. "Come on, she's nice." Shuma followed her gaze and saw about a dozen kids--who ranged in age anywhere from half of Anthy's age to their early teens--huddled behind trees and bushes, all staring at her. "Well, hello." Various cries of amazement, fright, and curiosity emanated from the kids when they saw Shuma's split face. "Come on out," Anthy said, motioning to her friends. Slowly, they started to come forward and look closely at Shuma. One of the older boys reached out and touched Shuma's single breast through the white robe. "She's got a real boob!" "Like you would know it by touch," one of the older girls remarked. The little group started asking question after question, which went unanswered. After several minutes, Shuma turned towards Anthy. "Are these all of your friends?" "Yeah... except for Raj. He's a baby and wouldn't come." "Well then-" Shuma reached his hand towards the nearest kid. "-thank you all for coming." Cries of terror echoed across the forest, but there was no one there to hear them. -A- -M- -D- September 3, 2005 -Nerima, Japan "Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday dear Ayami!!" The assembled friends, family and guests all sang and clapped in the large Tendo/Saotome dojo. Ayami giggled and looked at the four candles on her cake. "Hiryu Shoten Ha!!" she screamed as she ran towards the cake in a spiral pattern. Akane eyes went wide and her head snapped towards Ranma. "You didn't!!" Ranma smiled. "Nope, but I told her to do that just to freak you out." Akane's glared turned into an amused smile. "Idiot." After Ayami blew out the candles with her breath in lieu of a cold chi-based tornado, they cut the cake and divided it amongst the guests, which were mostly family members and close friends. As the last piece was handed out the roof ripped open. A man carrying a woman and two children crashed to the floor. "Where the heck are we now!!" A little boy giggled. "Daddy said heck!" "Better than hell!" the newly arrived girl said. A young woman scolded her daughter. "Shhhh... Subuta, you shouldn't use that word." Akane smiled. "Hi, Ryoga." "Glad you could drop in, pal." Ranko remarked dryly as she looked up at the hole in the roof. Ryoga smiled nervously as he helped Akari to her feet. "Sorry about the entrance." Akari smiled at her husband and then straightened the twin pigtails on their almost three-year-old daughter, who had her eyes and Ryoga's ears. Ryoga straightened the bandana on his almost four year-old son, who had his father's nose. "Plleezz... leggo of Daddy's nozze," Ryoga wheezed. Ranma laughed. "You should have seen the entrance that Yukiko made the last time she visited with her husband and two kids." He held his hands out wide. "Hundreds of Amazons all over the place." Ryoga nodded. "I heard about that on the news." He smirked. "Amazon fan club convention, indeed." Ranma smiled proudly. "That cover has worked so far." "And Nabiki made a killing selling cheap T-shirts." Ranko remarked. "Hey, I gave Nipplering a cut for modeling them," Nabiki insisted as she brushed the dust off Mousse. "And the Amazon wet T-shirt competition?" Ranko asked, accusingly. "I needed some capital to start Tendo Enterprises, okay?" Nabiki smirked at the huge windfall that contest had been. Akane smiled at Akari. "You're looking good." Akari smiled. "Thanks." She scanned the dojo, which included all the Tendos, Onos, and Saotomes except for Genma, Nodoka and their youngest son who were still on their training trip. A number of Amazons were there too. "Oh... did we interrupt something?" Akane smiled. "Ayami's fourth birthday party. We sent you an invitation." Akari's eyes widened. "Great! That's what we were trying to find." She looked at her husband. "Nice job, honey." Ryoga smiled nervously. "Well... Tonkatsu helped." Akari laughed and explained for everyone. "Little Tonkatsu is getting pretty good at keeping his father from getting lost." "Daddy get lost a lot!" little Tonkatsu blurted. Akane chuckled. Akari brushed the dust of her skirt. "Sorry about the entrance, but Ryoga won't let me walk further than our front door in my condition." She patted her belly. Akane smiled. "Another one on the way, huh?" Akari nodded. "Yes, it seems like every time our prized sow gets pregnant, so do I." Ranma laughed at hearing that. "Are you sure that Ryoga's not fooling around on you?" Akari chuckled. "Are you saying I'd cheat on my lovely wife with a pig?!" Ryoga shouted. "Yeah." "Ranma, prepare to die!!" The birthday party quickly turned into a battle royal. The kids quickly took sides, mostly along family lines. Well, Ranko was cheering for Ryoga, but she's not a kid. Akane shook her head sadly. She looked at Akari. "Sorry about this." Akari smiled sweetly. "It's okay, my husband could use a good workout." Akari gasped when she saw Ukyo and a line of bassinets. "Oh my..." As the battle raged around her, Akari strolled over to Ukyo and her babies. "Do you mind?" Ukyo smiled and shook her head. "Be my guest." Akari paused to let her husband fly by and crash into the nearby wall before she bent down and picked up the little potbellied pig sitting by the bassinets. "Oh, he's so cute!" She pulled the pig into her bosom and hugged him tightly. Ukyo was a little stunned that Akari hadn't come over to see her six babies; like all the other guests had when they first arrived. Then she realized that Akari raised champion sumo pigs, so would be more inclined to notice the pig instead of the sextuplets. Of course, there was one thing special about this particular pig. "Um... Akari, that's my husband." Akari stopped just before kissing the pig on the snout. "Huh?" "One of Sanma's curses is a pig." Akari pulled the pig away and noticed the red swirl pattern on his back. "Oh... sorry. I just couldn't resist." Ukyo smiled. "Ryoga's not pig enough for you?" Akari blushed. "More than enough." "What was that?" Ryoga shouted as he kicked Ranma across the room to the delight of Ranko. And to the dismay of the birthday girl. "Don't lose, Daddy!" Ranma hopped back to his feet from where he had crashed. "Ranma Saotome never loses!!" After several more Ranma and Ryoga shaped indentions were made in the dojo's concrete walls, Akane declared the match a tie when the first chi ball appeared. "You never let me have any fun," Ranma grumbled. "It's always fun until someone gets hit with a stray chi ball." Ranma smiled nervously. "Yeah... Ryoga never did have much control." "What was that?!" Ryoga shouted. Akari patted her husband's hand to settle him down. "Calm down, honey." Once the party settled down again, Nabiki cleared her throat and looked at Ayami. "May I?" Ayami nodded. "Go for it, Auntie!" Akane looked between her daughter and sister and wondered what they were scheming. Nabiki took Mousse's hand and then at her friends and family. "I have an announcement, which Ayami has so thoughtfully allowed me to make on her special day." She looked at Mousse and smiled. "Mousse and I are going to get married." Ranma rolled his eyes. "Yeah.. yeah... we know." Ranko nodded. "You keep saying that all the time. It's really not a big deal anymore." Nabiki continued. "A week from Sunday." Ranma and Ranko's jaws dropped open. Akane smiled and slid over to Nabiki. "It's about time," she said as she hugged her sister. Kasumi was the next in the hugging line after giving little Shiruko to Tofu to hold. "Congratulations. When is the baby due?" Nabiki smirked. "Maybe about nine months." Hearing this, Soun was having difficulty deciding what to do. He was losing his last daughter to marriage, but had already come to terms with that eventuality years earlier when Kasumi and Akane got married. . Like Kasumi, his first reaction was that she had gotten herself pregnant, but 'nine months' meant she wasn't currently pregnant and was just planning on having kids after they got married. Apparently, he was still ignoring the timing of Yohachi's birth mere seconds after Ranma and Akane were married in the First Monolith by Ranko. Soun suddenly realized everyone was staring at him. "What is it?" Nabiki slid over and put he hand to her father's forehead. "Are you okay, Daddy?" "Yes, I'm fine." Soun pulled Nabiki into a hug. "Congratulations." He looked at Mousse. "You take good care of my daughter, you hear?" Mousse nodded. "Yes, Father." Nabiki pulled away and smiled. "Thank you, Daddy." Hinako looked at Soun, concerned. "I want to have a baby!" Soun fainted. Little Hinako smiled. "Yaaaaaay! For a second there, I thought he was having a stroke or something when he took the news so calmly." She started to jump around like the child she looked like. More congratulations were spread around until Ayami suddenly decided she wasn't getting enough attention, despite saying it was okay for Nabiki to tell everyone her news at the party. "Time for my presents!" Akane smiled. "Ayami, it's not polite to ask for them like that. Bossy girls don't get presents." "Oh... sorry..." Akane kissed her daughter's forehead. "That's okay." "So can I get my presents now, PLEASE?" Akane sighed. -A- -M- -D- After the party ended, Ukyo pulled a baby off her left nipple. "Next!" Nabiki took the baby from Ukyo, burped her, and put her into one of the many cribs in the room. Then she picked up another baby and handed it to Ukyo, who immediately positioned the small girl next to her left nipple. The baby on her right nipple pulled away and started fidgeting. "Seto is done too." Nabiki nodded and took the baby, exchanging him for a girl. "You guys do this every day?" "Several times a day, actually." "Hmmmm... maybe I should wait a bit longer." Nabiki glanced at the stain on her shoulder where one of the babies had spit up earlier. Ukyo shook her head. "The joy of motherhood more than makes up for the occasional mess." The baby girl on her left nipple chose that moment to throw up on her skirt. Ukyo grabbed a towel and cleaned her daughter and lap up. "Well... most of the time, it does." Nabiki laughed. Akane and Ranko rushed in, undoing their shirts. "Sorry we're late," Akane said. "The dojo was a mess after the party." Ukyo looked up from her two daughters. "That's okay, we're just finishing." "Oh..." Ukyo noticed the disappointed tone in Akane and Ranko's voices. "Don't worry, it won't be long until they're hungry again." Right on cue, the first baby in the bow of cribs started to cry. Nabiki walked down to the end of the row of cribs and checked the crying baby. She looked up at Ranko. "Would you like to do the honors?" Ranko nodded as she stepped forward and took the baby. "He's not hungry." The smell reached Ranko's nose just as the words left Nabiki's mouth. "Ewww..." She saw Nabiki disappear out the door. "Nabiki!" Akane chuckled. "Where are the other kids?" Ukyo looked up from her babies. "They're playing with Ryoga." Yohachi's cry was heard from outside. "Here piggy!!" "I'd better make sure they aren't hurting him." Akane turned to leave, but Ukyo's next comment stopped her. "I'm sure Ryoga can handle a few little kids, he's pretty rugged." "Well..." -A- -M- -D- Ryoga squealed loudly as Daiji tackled him near the dojo. "No fair, I almost had him!" Yohachi complained as he jumped onto Daiji, who was on top of the pig, of course. Ayami hopped onto the pile next, followed by Tonkatsu, Subuta, and Moyashi. Ryoga squealed louder. Soun looked down from the dojo's roof where he was repairing the hole. "Play nice, kids." He turned back to the roof. Using a large mallet he had borrowed from Akane, he started to pound the sheet metal back into the shape it had been in before Ryoga and his family had crashed through it. Which was mostly flat with a bulge in the shape of Ranma's head in it. he thought as he gave his son-in-law's head a good whack. Ayami looked up from the pile. "Okay, Grandpa!" "He's getting away!!" Yohachi cried out as he saw a black blur shoot away. Daiji and Yohachi shrugged off the other kids and took off after their quarry. Some of the other neighborhood kids who were at the party followed. Tonkatsu and Subuta were right on their heels, but suddenly screeched to a halt and looked around the yard. Ayami bumped into Subuta. "What's wrong?" Tonkatsu looked at his sister. "That not Daddy." Subuta shook her head and scanned the yard. "Behind bush!!" As his children spotted him, Ryoga squealed and shot out of his hiding spot. Then a thought occurred to his paranoid little pig brain as he fled the area. Ayami started to follow Ryoga's kids, but stopped when she heard a sob from behind her. "What's wrong?" Moyashi rubbed his tear filled eyes. "I hurt my leg." He indicated his knee, which had a long scrape on it. Ayami looked at his knee. "It's just a scratch." "It hurts!!" "You're a boy, aren't you?" "Yeah..." Moyashi sniffled. "Well, boys shouldn't cry." Ayami repeated something she'd heard her dad and Papa-chan say many times to Yohachi and sometimes Daiji. "But my knee." Ayami sighed and bent over the boy. "It's just a scratch..." "But it hurts!" Ayami turned around and crouched down. "Come on..." Moyashi sniffled and hopped on the small girl's back. "You sure you can hold me?" "Yeah..." Ayami stood up and walked slowly toward the house with him on her back. -A- -M- -D- In the kitchen, Ayami sat on the counter next to Moyashi and looked on as Kasumi put a big bandage on her son's knee. "There, all better." Kasumi kissed Moyashi's forehead and turned to return the bandage box to the Tendo's first-aid room, which originally was half of the pantry. Although the number of injuries had decreased since Kenage and his parents had gone on their training trip, accidents did still happen in the Tendo household. Frequently. "See, I told you it wasn't a big deal!" Ayami chirped, smiling. Moyashi smiled and wrapped his arms around Ayami. "Thank you!" "Get off!" Ayami spat and pushed Moyashi away from her. Unfortunately, that caused him to slip from the counter and crash to the floor. Kasumi looked around and gasped. "Moyashi, what happened?" "Ayami pushed me!" Moyashi blurted between sobs. Kasumi crouched over her son and checked him out. "There, there." She looked at Ayami. "You shouldn't push other people, Ayami." "He attacked me first!" "I just hugged her!" Kasumi chuckled. "You'll be okay, Moyashi." She stood up and looked at Ayami. "He was just thanking you." "I'm sorry..." Ayami looked down at the ground. Kasumi helped her niece off the counter. "Hug and make up." Ayami tool a tentative step towards Moyashi and then held out her hands. "Sorry..." "S' okay..." Moyashi wrapped his arms around Ayami and squeezed. Kasumi smiled. Her smile vanished after the hug continued, causing Ayami to turn blue. "Moyashi!" "She started it!" Ayami pushed Moyashi away from her. "Jerk!" Her foot impacted his stomach a second later. *********************************************************************** >From the Journal of James Davidson May 26, 2058 "She always was a violent tomboy." Ayami--who I had been talking to since I found her in the viewing room when I arrived to visit Akane this morning--looked to the door and saw Moyashi standing there. She smirked. "Better a tomboy than a sissy." Moyashi smiled. "Whatever you say, sir." Ayami jumped at Moyashi and launched a half dozen kicks and punches at him, all of which he deflected with ease. The skirmish ended when Ayami got Moyashi into a big bear hug. "Heard you were back in the Compound." Moyashi grunted under the force of the hug. "Sorry I haven't been able to track you down, but I've been kind of busy..." He glanced towards Akane. Ayami released her cousin and nodded her understanding, looking through the glass at her mother. "Thanks for saving my mother." She smiled. "Again." She tilted her head. "As usual, I'll treat you to dinner." "Homemade?" "Yeah..." Moyashi smiled. "You know, you could occasionally make me dinner without me having to save your mother's life." Ayami smiled broadly. "I just want to make sure you're motivated." Moyashi chuckled. "When did this tradition get started anyway?" "You forgot?" Ayami harrumphed. "We were pretty young." *********************************************************************** September 3-4, 2005 - Nerima, Japan Kasumi looked between her oldest, Ayami, and Ranko. "Are you sure he won't get hurt?" Ranko shook her head. "I'll start him slow and make sure Ayami doesn't get too..." She searched for the right word. "Enthusiastic... during their training." "Okay." Kasumi replied, still sounding concerned. She knelt down in front of Moyashi. "Are you sure you want to do this?" Moyashi nodded. "Well, just remember that it's only okay to spar with Ayami during your training sessions, you shouldn't hit girls otherwise. Okay?" Moyashi smiled. "Okay, Mommy!" Kasumi smiled and ruffled her son's hair and slowly left the dojo, passing Akane who stood in the doorway. "Not going to stay?" Akane asked as she turned and started walking beside Kasumi. "No... I'm worried enough as it is, I don't think I could stand to watch my baby get hit." "Yeah... I know the feeling." Kasumi looked at her youngest sister. "Then why do you let your kids train so much?" Akane smiled. "Well in addition to it being our families' heritage, it helps them work off some of their excess energy." She looked away, as if recalling fond memories. "Back before Ranma and Ranko started to train them, Daiji and Yohachi fought constantly and caused a lot of ruckus. Now..." Her explanation was cut off when her two oldest ran through the back yard chasing a pig. "Come back!!" Yohachi shouted. His sister jumped over her brother and almost tackled the pig. Instead she ended up tripping Yohachi. "Get off me!" Daiji spat, pushing her brother. "It's your fault!" "He's getting away!" Daiji shouted. Kasumi watched the two kids get to their feet and disappeared around the side of the dojo in pursuit of their quarry. "Poor Ryoga." Akane smiled. "That's one of P-chan's babies. Q-chan, I think." Kasumi looked at Akane. "What was that about them burning off their excess energy?" Akane laughed. "I said SOME of their excess energy. They were much worse before." "I bet you thought things would calm down when Mr. and Mrs. Saotome took Kenage on the road." "No, calm is not part of my life. We just have less property damage now." A crash was heard in the direction that the kids had chased the pig. "I said 'less'." Kasumi laughed politely. "Have you heard from them since they went to Singapore?" "Not yet, but there was a news report of them being fished out of the Japan Sea when someone opened the wrong porthole on the ship." Kasumi nodded, as if it didn't surprise her. Considering that they had been tracking the journey of the two parents and their child through news reports of disasters and accidents, they were only surprised when more than two weeks went by without report of some kind of major property damage. "Well, I'm sure we'll be hearing from them soon." "Yeah, they'll need money to get out of trouble again sooner rather than later." Just then, a familiar cry rang out from the dojo. Kasumi took a step back towards it, but Akane restrained her. "Moyashi will be alright." Kasumi nodded, but wasn't convinced. -A- -M- -D- Moyashi lay facedown on the dojo floor, his tears pooling on the wooden floor. Ayami stood over him, a frown on his face. "I'm sorry." "It hurts!" "Don't cry. Do you want some of my ice cream?" Ayami held out the ice cream cone she was holding. Moyashi sniffed and looked at Ayami. "Really?" Ayami nodded. "Yeah... we can share." Moyashi smiled and got up off the floor, forgetting the kick from Ayami that had sent him there. "Thanks!" Ranko looked at her two smiling students, a little worried. -A- -M- -D- "Well, what do you think?" Nabiki asked. She knelt in the room Ukyo and her family were staying in and put an odd looking keyboard down on the floor. She plugged the cable connected to the keyboard into a small laptop and hit the power button. Ukyo looked at the keyboard, which was an off-the-shelf ergonomic keyboard that had been cut into four pieces to rearrange the keys that had been relabeled with 'White Out' and magic markers. Instead of the normal Japanese layout, the keys were labeled with a mixture of odd symbols. They were also upside down from the normal orientation of the keyboard. This would allow the operator to type from the former 'top' of the keyboard where the curve allowed easy access to more keys for a smaller typist. Ukyo looked up after examining the keyboard. "How does it work?" "Pretty much like a normal keyboard, but the symbols have been designed to be quickly recognizable to an animal's eyes," Nabiki explained. "The laptop translates the keystrokes into Japanese and displays them on the screen." She pointed at a small square LCD display that was positioned on the 'top' of the keyboard so someone opposite the operator could read it. The panel was held in place by several strips of duct tape, making the whole setup look very primitive, which it was. "It'll take a bit of time to teach Sanma the symbols, but..." She paused to consider if she should reveal the designer's name or not. "My classmate says it's a very simple layout and vocabulary. He's doing his computer science thesis on keyboard input methods, so this project was right up his alley." "Well, thank him for us." "I will, but he owed me a favor anyway so he wasn't exactly doing it for free." "We'll repay you someday." Nabiki shook her head. "Don't worry about it. Call it a late wedding present." Ukyo smiled when she realized that she could really do that now. "Thanks. Since Sanma can't write in many of his forms, it'll be nice to be able to talk to him again." Nabiki smiled. "Well, to tell you the truth, it was Mousse's idea. I guess he knows how it feels to be stuck in a animal's body without being able to communicate and wanted to find a way to help." "Thank him for me as well then." Ukyo looked around. "Where is he anyway?" "The guys are giving him a bachelor party." Ukyo smirked. "Do you think they got him a stripper?" Nabiki struck a pose. "Ha!! He doesn't need another woman as long as he has me!" -A- -M- -D- At the bar the guys had picked to have the bachelor party, Mousse's eyes suddenly went wide when the stripper stepped out of a lace teddie. "Ack!!" he gasped as she started to gyrate in front of his bloodshot eyes. Ranko slapped Mousse on the back. "Go for it! This is your last chance!" "Are you crazy?!" Mousse replied without removing his eyes from the stripper. Ranma laughed. "Ha! I knew he'd love her!" Ryoga shrugged. "What's the big deal?" He looked at Sanma, who was sitting on the table and munching on some truffles. "You don't get turned on by other animals, do you?" Sanma shook his little pig head and looked at the female duck that was still dancing on the stage--well, it was just another table the guys were calling a stage--in front of the mesmerized Mousse, who was swaying in time with the duck's gyrations. Ranko waved his hand in front of Mousse's eyes. "I think he's drunk." "Nabiki... your feathers are so... sexy." Mousse's head crashed to the table, knocking a pitcher of beer onto the floor. "Yup, really drunk." Ryoga looked at Ranma. "Where the hell did you get a duck that could strip anyway?" Ranma laughed. "She's from a little carnival that came through town recently." He smirked at Ryoga. "They had a pig stripper too, if you're interested." "Why the hell would I need a pig when I have my sweet Akari?!" "To satisfy your animal urges, of course." Ranma was quickly sent crashing across the bar by a well-placed kick from an irritated pig. Ryoga smiled at Sanma. "Nice form there. I guess you realize now how much worse an animal curse is than a human curse, right?" Sanma squealed his agreement. "You jerk!!" Ranma called out as he punted the pig into Ryoga's stomach, which in turn crashed against the bar and was covered in beer. Cold beer. Ryoga shook the beer off his snout and snarled at Ranma. Before he could attack, he found himself lifted into the air on the back of a large animal. He squealed loudly when he looked down and saw what Sanma had transformed into. Hearing the ruckus, Mousse managed to roll his head over on the table to look at the bar and blinked a few times at the sight that befell his eyes. "Okay, no more beer for me..." He crashed to the floor, muttering something about pink elephants. The other patrons of the bar screamed in terror as the pink elephant seemingly appeared out of nowhere. Many of them quickly swore to give up drinking. The rest ordered another drink and made it a double. "A pig riding a pink elephant... yup, time to quit for sure this time. It was bad enough when I kept seeing that panda come in here, but this..." a groggy, fat man remarked and then held out a basket towards the elephant. "Peanut?" Ranma and Ranko exchanged an amazed look before looking back at their brother. "Um... Sanma, you're an elephant," Ranma remarked. Sanma waved his trunk in front of his eyes. Ranko walked over to the elephant. "Wow..." She fingered the fine hairs on the elephant's skin. "Ah!! The pink color is due to these fine red hairs, your skin is actually gray." The elephant rolled his eyes. The floor suddenly creaked under him. -A- -M- -D- Nabiki, Akane, Kasumi, Akari, and Ukyo were sitting on the porch with the babies and watching the other kids play in the garden. Suddenly the earth shook, causing the water to ripple in the koi pond. "What the..." Akane gasped Kasumi looked around. "Earthquake?" The ground shook again. Nabiki frowned. "I don't think so." "Then wha..." Ukyo started to ask, before one of the kids cried out. "An elephant!!" Daiji shouted and ran towards the pink elephant, who was carrying a black pig, a passed out duck, and Akane's two husbands on its back. Akane took one look at her husbands on the elephant and broke out laughing. "Where on earth did you get the elephant?" "My, what a big trunk he has," Kasumi remarked. Nabiki grinned mischievously and looked under the elephant. "That's not all that's big." "Sanma!!" Ukyo shouted as she followed Nabiki gaze. She quickly put Seto into a bassinet and ran toward her husband. Ranko frowned. "How did you know?" "I'd recognize my husband's pe... err... I'd recognize him anywhere," Ukyo said, blushing. Ranma slipped off the back of his brother with the duck in his arms and took a look. "Yeah, it does look the same." Akane chuckled. "But he's bigger." Ranma's eye twitched. "I didn't see you complaining last night." Akane giggled. Ukyo was stroking the elephant's trunk. "Oh my... well, this is a new one." Sanma wrapped his trunk around Ukyo and squeezed his wife reassuringly. "Well, so much for that special keyboard I had made for you," Nabiki commented looking at the huge hooves of the elephant. She sighed and retrieved her future husband from Ranma. "Looks like you boys had a good time." Ranma smiled nervously. "Yeah, but we're not welcome at that bar anymore." Nabiki laughed. "You mean it's still in one piece?" "Mostly, but we should have picked a bar on the first floor." Ranma flicked a piece of floor out of his hair. *********************************************************************** >From the Journal of James Davidson May 26, 2058 "An... elephant?" I gasped, trying to keep from laughing. Ayami nodded. "It was great fun having our very own elephant in the Compound to play with." Moyashi smirked. "My mom never let US have pets." "I am not a pet!!" We looked over to see Sanma standing in the doorway. Ayami smiled. "No, but you are cute." "Handsome." I looked at the small woman in front of me, trying to picture her as an elephant. A pink elephant. "What's it like to be an elephant?" Sanma shrugged her shoulders. "I forget." "I thought an elephant never forgets?" "Yeah, but I ain't no elephant." Sanma smirked. "Actually, it's not that bad. No one ever dares to get in my way, all the free peanuts I can eat, and I can squash dozens of Buyierfei just by sitting on them." He sighed. "The only downside was that it was hard not sleeping in the room with my wife and our babies the first time I became an elephant." "Too big to get into the house, huh?" "Yeah. They had to get a tent for me." Sanma sighed. "It wasn't bad until Ranma and Ranko tried to get me to give rides to the neighborhood kids." I smiled. "Did you stomp them good?" "No, it turned out it was for a good cause." *********************************************************************** September 12-14, 2005 - Nerima, Japan Nabiki and Mousse's outdoor wedding was rather uneventful. Well, it would be considered uneventful if you compared it to Akane's two successful weddings and the weddings of Ukyo and Kasumi. But compared to most weddings, it would seem very peculiar. If the large pink elephant wearing a bow tie and the large number of big breasted women in full armor didn't make it unusual enough, the best man turning into a pig and the groom turning into a duck when a sudden shower drenched them would make it seem very unusual. To everyone but a Tendo or Saotome, that is. Nipplering caught the bouquet, mostly because no one would dare get in the large Amazon's way. The fact that she was in full battle armor and armed to the teeth kept the other single girls from even trying to grab the bouquet, even the other Amazons. They decided to use Tendo for their married names since Amazons traditionally identify their family lineage by reciting all of their recent ancestors on their mother's side. And Nabiki decided she'd rather not try to fit 'Nabiki Tendo-Dandruff-Shampoo-Conditioner-Rinse-Repeat' onto her business cards. Nabiki was surprised when she found out that Mousse's grandmother was also named Shampoo, but it turned out it was a common Amazon name. After she had found this out, Nabiki had spent a good deal of time teasing Mousse about his lusting after his grandmother. After the rather modest reception dinner, Mouse and Nabiki Tendo left on their honeymoon without telling anyone where they were going. -A- -M- -D- Mousse and Nabiki ran down the deserted beach, naked as the day they were born. The waves splashed gently against the shore, but Mousse was staying as far away from them as he could. Being on a deserted island meant they were all alone, but it also meant that hot water was hard to come by. Mousse grabbed his bride's arm and pulled Nabiki down onto the sand. A kiss here, a stroke there, and soon they were locked in the throws of passion. Then the tide came in. Nabiki found herself with a duck between her breasts. "Oh my." She suddenly arched her back. "OHHHH MYYYYYY!!" Not quite 'From Here to Eternity', but what do you expect from a Tendo who's married to an Amazon who turns into a duck? In any case, about nine months later Nabiki gave birth to a bouncing baby girl, who they named Nijiko. -A- -M- -D- Back in Nerima on the day after the wedding, Ukyo tore up a loan rejection letter and then wrapped her arms around Sanma's trunk. "Well, yet another bank turns us down." Sanma couldn't speak, of course, but he tried to comfort his wife as best he could. He ran the tip of his trunk gently down Ukyo's face. Ukyo relished the touch, but continued on the subject at hand. "Our savings are nearly gone and with the babies to take care of, I can only take the cart out for the lunch and dinner rushes." Sanma slipped his trunk seductively down her neck and eventually into her blouse. Ukyo arched her back when the trunk started to massage her breast. She looked around the tent Sanma had been staying in since his recent transformation, wary of being seen. "Sanma... we... shouldn't." Sanma's big eyes blinked, but kept exploring Ukyo's cleavage with his trunk. Ukyo gasped as the trunk moved to her nipple. "Sanma..." Her initial thought was that he was trying to get her mind off their money problems--and that might have been the case--but feeling of his touch reminded her of the last time Sanma had touched her like this. "We haven't really TOUCHED each other since you were Akane, have we?" The elephant shook his head. "Or is it that it's mating season for elephants?" The elephant let out what could only be considered a chuckle. "I do miss your touch, Sanma..." Ukyo said as the trunk unbuttoned her blouse. A few moments later the trunk found its target, causing Ukyo to arch her back again. "Sanma! The kids are waiting!!" Ranma's voice called from outside the tent. Sanma's head shot up at hearing the shout, dropping Ukyo in the process. Ukyo was blushing and breathing heavily as she quickly rebuttoned her blouse. "Well, you did promise to give them rides and we do need the money." The look on the elephant's face could only mean 'why now?' -A- -M- -D- Ukyo sat on the porch with Akane and watched her husband walk by with a dozen screaming neighborhood kids on his back. She couldn't help but giggle. "I guess when my kids grow up they'll be able to ride their father like that." Akane laughed. "The best my husbands can do is horsey rides." Ukyo laughed and then watched the elephant tromp by again. "I could probably do without the elephant, but if he can make people happy then it's not really a curse, is it?" Akane smiled. "That's a nice way to put it. I'm trying to raise Daiji to accept her mixed gender, but it's not easy when she has to deal with other people who won't or can't accept her for who he is." "Like Ranko?" Ukyo asked, looking over at where Ranko was playing with Daiji. "Sort of, but Ranko has learned not to confuse Daiji in regards to their unique gender issues." "That's my manly son!!" Ranko called out. Akane glanced over to see her DAUGHTER put a wreath of flowers on her father's head. She appended her statement. "Mostly." Ukyo looked up at the blue sky. "I wonder how my kids will handle their father's curse?" Akane shrugged. "Just be honest with them about it." "Having a father who switches species and genders won't be easy to explain to their friends." Akane laughed. "You should have seen Yohachi and Daiji explain the three of us at the kindergarten's Parents' Day." Ukyo giggled. "That must have been awkward." "Not really... despite his faults, Principal Kuno does care for the kids in the group of schools he runs." "I'm a little amazed you'd trust him with your kids." Akane smiled. "So were we at first, but it's worked out pretty well." Ukyo smiled knowingly. "How many of your Amazons do you have watching them?" Akane raised an eyebrow. "MY Amazons?" Ukyo chuckled. "Well, you are their leader." She paused. "So how many?" "Well, only two per kid and one for the Principal," Akane admitted. "Plus the squad watching Tatewaki Kuno, of course." -A- -M- -D- Several weeks earlier during the kindergarten's annual Parents' Day, the Principal gestured to the six-member family. "Okay, next keikis are Yohachi Saotome and Daiji Tendo." Yohachi looked at Ranma, Akane, and Ranko in turn. "This is my daddy, my mommy, and Papa-chan." Ranko smiled nervously. "And this is our little sister." Yohachi pointed to Ayami, who was holding onto her mother's leg. "Ayami." Daiji spoke next, indicating Akane, Ranko, and Ranma in turn. "This is my daddy, my mommy, and Papa." It was Akane's turn to smile nervously. A hand went up. "Oh, good keiki has question," the Principal said and pointed at the little boy who had raised his hand. "Go ahead, Junichi." "How can the pretty woman be a mommy AND a daddy?" Akane smiled at being called pretty. "Well, it's a very long story. In the end, all that matters is that we all love our three children." Another hand went up. "Little Suzuki," the Principal said. "Do you all change between boys and girls too?" the little girl asked. Akane giggled and looked at her two husbands. Ranma smiled. "Not anymore." "Nope, but I'm really a man," Ranko remarked. Some of the kids giggled while other's scratched their heads. "Now little Daiji and Yohachi have their family picture to show off." The principal gestured to a large art easel, which had a sheet covering a large one by two-meter poster board on it. Yohachi reached up and pulled off the sheet and then gestured at the picture he and Daiji had drawn. First he pointed out the parts he had drawn, which looked like stick figures for the most part. "This is Daddy, Mommy, Grandpa, our dog Crybaby, Grandma, and our pigs." He looked at his sister. Daiji fidgeted and looked at the mass of kids. "Come on, Daiji," Yohachi prompted. Ranko knelt down and put a reassuring hand on her daughter's shoulder. "Be a brave boy now," she whispered. Daiji glanced at her mother and nodded. She reached her hand out towards the parts of the picture she drew, which looked a lot better than Yohachi's side. "This is... this is my mommy, Uncle Sanma-" She pointed at a figure that looked like Akane except she was very fat. "-but now he's a pig instead of looking like my daddy." The kids all giggled. Daiji continued. "This is his wife and their six babies." Her arm moved over to a couple dozen figures dressed in armor. "This is Nipplering, Deeod, Rant, Gstring..." Various giggles, gasps, and cries to go to the bathroom were heard as Daiji listed the names of the Amazons that lived in the Compound with them. "Who are they?" one boy asked between his attempts to dig something unmentionable out of his nose. Akane, Ranma, and Ranko looked nervously at each other. Daiji blurted her answer. "They're our friends!!" Akane smiled and ran her hand through her daughter's red hair. "Yes, they are." -A- -M- -D- A couple days after Nabiki and Mousse's wedding, an unusual request was made. "And since Ukyo and Sanma proved it could be done, we were wondering if you could provide the sperm." Ranma blinked loudly before backpedaling away. "What?!" "It's such a little thing, we hope you can help us." "This... this... um... I don't think I'm comfortable with this." "You have already proven you are a worthy man by impregnating your wife twice." Ranma looked between the two women and wondered what they'd do to him if he turned down their request. "Look, I like you both, but..." "It is a very honorable tradition for an Amazon man to share his seed with other Amazons for artificial insemination," Deeod remarked, squeezing her wife's hand. "Well..." Ranma hesitated, thinking that must be a rather new tradition for the Amazons. Then he got an image of Rant and Deeod using turkey basters in some ancient Amazon insemination ceremony. He shuddered. Rant smiled and tried to remember what the 'Amazon Book of Bending a Man to Your Will' said worked best in this situation. "We also consider you the greatest male warrior the Amazon tribe has ever known." She bent forward and showed some cleavage. Deeod cleared her throat and casually pulled Rant back, trying to get her wife to remember that Amazon women do not show cleavage to married men. Unless they are trying to steal them for themselves, of course. "Look... I appreciate you asking, but I don't think I'd feel comfortable doing that." Ranma smiled nervously. "I don't think my wife would be thrilled either." "Ah..." Deeod nodded her understanding. "The leader keeps her spermbank on a short leash, we understand." "What?!" Ranma snapped and stood up straight. "HEY! Nobody tells Ranma Saotome what to do with his sperm!!" Rant smiled. "They you'll help us have a baby?!" "There ain't nothin' Ranma Sao... err..." Ranma faltered as he realized what he was saying. "Um... well... what I mean is... I don't think I can." He went into his suave, comforting mode. "I know I'm the greatest martial artist out there and you Amazons must be desperate to have children by such a worthy man, but I can't." He flipped his pigtail off his shoulder and smiled charmingly. "I'm sorry." Deeod and Rant looked sadly at each other and sighed. Deeod looked back at Ranma and spoke casually. "Well, thank you for your time." She looked at Rant. "Guess we'll have to go to the next name on our list." Rant nodded and got up with her wife and walked away, leaving a slightly perturbed Ranma behind them. -A- -M- -D- That night, Ranma lay on a large futon next to Akane, opposite from Ranko. "And so I had to turn down their request. I know they wanted a great warrior to be the father, but I just wouldn't feel comfortable doing that for them." Akane stared at the ceiling. "Well, that's interesting." "And I knew you wouldn't feel right about it." Akane smiled. "Actually, they came to me first and asked, but I told them it was up to you." "Huh?" "Amazon women do not ask other Amazons' husbands for their sperm without first asking the spermbank's wife," Akane quoted what Deeod and Rant told her. Ranko started to giggle. "I'd stop giggling if I was you, Ranko," Ranma growled, causing Ranko to stop. He looked at Akane. "I'm amazed you didn't turn them down outright." "I was going to, but then I thought about Sanma and Ukyo." Akane reached over and ran her hand through Ranma's hair. "What if they had asked us the same thing?" Ranma thought about that for a few moments. "Yeah... but that's a little different since Sanma and I are a little closer than me and the Amazons." "True." Several silent moments passed until Ranko spoke. "What about me?" Ranma looked at his sister. "Huh?" Ranko didn't look away from the ceiling when she replied. "I think... I think I want to have another baby." She glanced at Ranma as she finished her statement. The entire Tendo household was awakened by two screams. Those belonged to Ranma and Akane. -A- -M- -D- "So what was all that commotion about last night?" Ukyo asked as she rode with Akane, Ranko, and Ranma on top of her husband. The sight of the four of them on the pink elephant walking down the Nerima streets caused a lot of passing people to stop and stare. Tourists mostly, since the people who lived in Nerima didn't think it was that unusual. Akane chuckled. "Ranko want's Ranma to father another child with her." The elephant trumpeted and stopped suddenly, almost throwing his charges off. Ukyo held onto the blanket that was tied around her husband's body. "What?!" Akane laughed. "Well, I'd be the egg donor, of course, but Ranma doesn't like the idea." Ranma--who was sitting behind Akane--nodded and crossed his arms. "Damn right. That's not a very manly way to get my sister pregnant." Ukyo almost choked on her tongue and made eye contact with Sanma. She smirked. "Sanma said pretty much the same thing when we were trying to get him pregnant." "Yeah, well... this is different. I'm all man!" Ranma thumped his chest. Almost immediately, Sanma thumped the same spot on Ranma's chest with his trunk. He let out a mighty trumpet of victory as Ranma crashed to the ground. Akane shook her head sadly. Ukyo chuckled and looked at Akane and Ranko. "So, if you can get the sperm from Ranma, are you going to?" Ranko blushed and shrugged her shoulders. "We're still thinking about it, but I have thought about what it would be like to have another child. What about you two?" Both Ukyo and the elephant went pale. Ranko's eyes went wide. "Oh... sorry... didn't mean to bring up a touchy subject." Ukyo shook her head. "No... no... it's not." She took a deep breath. "Considering the expense and everything we went though the first time, we think six is enough." The elephant trumpeted his agreement. "Plus, even staying with you, I can't pull in enough with the cart to do more than make ends meet." Akane smirked at the perfect timing of Ukyo's statement. "Take a look down the street on your left." "Huh?" Ukyo turned her head and saw a large banner strung between two light piles. "What the... what does this mean?" she asked, reading the banner again. It read 'Future home of the new Ucchan's!' Ranko smiled. "Nothing personal, but we're kicking you out of our home." Ukyo's eyes widened. "Wha...." The elephant was similarly confused, but continued carrying them towards the lot that the banner was hung over. The same lot that where the old Ucchan's used to stand and that now held the shrine for their lost children. Akane tried to explain. "That's why we suggested this little outing today. We all got together and scraped up some money for a down payment so you can rebuild Ucchan's." "But..." "I didn't want you going back to work at a sleazy soapland again." Ukyo blushed. "You knew about that?" Akane nodded. "Um... did you..." She blushed as well. "You know." "No!!" Ukyo snapped. "Um.. I just advertised the place outside." She patted her husband's back. "Sanma hated me doing that much." Inside, Ukyo knew that a part of her also liked being able to show off her body in the bunny suit. Since it covered her scars, it made her feel good to be seen as a whole woman. Well, until the men started drooling and pawing at her, at which point she had to resist the urge to flatten their heads with an oversized cooking utensil. She wasn't always successful in fighting off those urges, as the concussions of several men passing by can attest to. Akane looked back at the lot where the new Ucchan's would go. "Anyway... Nabiki set up the loan and all the paperwork before she left on their honeymoon. Once you decide on the plans, we can break ground." Ukyo was in tears by the time the elephant stopped in front of the banner. "This is... this is unbelievable." The elephant helped his wife off his back with the tip of his trunk and then looked at Akane and Ranko and made some odd noises. Akane smiled nervously. "Well, I hope you like it. We were a little afraid you might not want to stay in Nerima." Ukyo shook her head. "No... when we first returned for the martial arts contest we were concerned about how things would be between us, but you all have been so great to us." She wiped her eyes. "We never imagined you could forgive us for what we did to you and then to do this." She gestured towards the banner. Akane and Ranko slid down Sanma's side, carrying a picnic basket with them. "Thanks for nothing, you jerk," Ranma spat as he hobbled up to the odd group. Sanma patted Ranma's shoulder with his trunk to apologize. "Sure, NOW you're nice." Akane laughed. "Let's have our lunch and talk about the new Ucchan's, okay?" Ukyo nodded. -A- -M- -D- Ukyo took a sip of her juice. Pushing another bucket of peanuts over to her husband, she continued the conversation. "That... that's too much. When you said a down payment I thought ten or twenty percent." Akane shrugged. "What can I say? You've got a lot of friends drooling over the chance to once again eat your okonomiyaki at Ucchan's." Ukyo suddenly got up and started pacing the small lot. "I don't know if we can accept this..." Akane and the others alternately watched Ukyo and ate their lunches, knowing that she had to make the decision herself. Even Sanma knew it had to be Ukyo's choice. Ucchan's was her baby and he had spent much of the last five years with her talking about how to rebuild it someday. After tracing the lot's edge several times, Ukyo spoke. "It's too small. The small size of the old restaurant was never a problem for me, but for two adults and six kids?" She shook her head. "It'll never work, we'll have to wait." Ranma smiled. "Don't forget your huge assed husband." He started to laugh. The laughter stopped when Sanma sat down on top of Ranma. Well, Ranma's laughter stopped; the others started to laugh at the sight of Ranma wedged into Sanma's butt crack. Akane shook her head. "They'll never learn." Ranko took exception to that. "THEY? Ranma's the one who always does these stupid things." Akane looked at her first husband and said three words. "The spaghetti incident." Ranko gulped and edged away from Akane. Ukyo started to ask about what the 'spaghetti incident' was, but then thought better of it. So she started pacing the outline of the lot again. "As I said, it's too small for us." Akane smiled knowingly. "Hey, Ukyo?" "Yeah?" "See those red sticks?" Ukyo looked around and saw the red sticks that were stuck into the ground outside the area she had been pacing. "Yeah..." "Your lot is about twice as big as it used to be since they realigned the roads," Akane explained. "Those red markers are the property line now." The jaws of Ukyo and the elephant dropped. "But... but..." Ukyo stammered. "Nabiki checked to make sure. Since you retained the lot for the shrine while others sold out entirely to the government, you own the expanded lot in full." Akane spread her arms wide. "Wow..." Ukyo gasped spinning around. The elephant gasped as well. Ranma gasped for air under the elephant's butt. Ukyo looked at her husband. "Sanma, you'd better get up." Sanma stood up and tromped over to his wife. Ranma got shakily to his feet. "Stupid pachyderm." Ukyo stroked her husband's trunk and looked between the others. "I'm sorry... I appreciate the thought and all, but we can't accept such a large gift..." Ranko gulped down the bite of sandwich she had been chewing. "Well, a large chunk of it was the prize money from that martial arts tournament, so it's not really putting us out at all." Ukyo gasped as she remembered the tournament and her sole reason for entering it: the prize money. With Sanma pregnant she had done her best to win it, only to come up short in the final match against Ranko. "No... you won that tournament. I can't take that money." Ranko smiled. "The win is enough for me. That money is better spent on Ucchan's." Ukyo felt her feelings pulled in more directions than she thought possible. One, she wanted her restaurant back. Two, she knew that she hadn't won the tournament or earned that prize money. Three, her father once told her that she should never accept charity--which was one of the reasons that she ended up engaged to Ranma since he was repayment for all the okonomiyaki that he and his father stole. Four, she bought the original Ucchan's with money left to her by her late father and ran it with her own two hands--something she had taken much pride in. Five, she didn't want to leave Nerima. She decided there was only one way she would feel comfortable taking that money from them. "We can't accept the money as a gift." Akane and the others frowned, including Sanma. "But if it was the prize in a challenge match..." Ranko and Akane exchanged a look and then Ranko spoke. "You're on." She grinned. "You have to fight your best though," Ukyo insisted. "I never throw a fight." Ranko puffed out her chest and cracked her knuckles. "For any reason." -A- -M- -D- A week later, the entire Tendo, Saotome, and Ono families--along with the entire Nerima Amazon contingent--were assembled in the Compound's large front yard for the fight of the... well, the biggest fight in Nerima in almost two weeks. It was the slow part of the year, after all. Ranko walked up to the center of the yard, where Akane and Ranma waited with Ukyo and her huge husband. Ranko was dressed in a simple gi, had her red pigtail tied tight, and wore a serious look on her face. Nearby, Daiji and Yohachi cheered as she appeared, while Ayami was picking flowers with Moyashi. Ranko looked at Ayami and cleared her throat. Ayami looked up from the flowers. "Oh..." She jumped up and shouted at the top of her tiny lungs. "Go get em, Papa-chan!!" Then she sat down and continued playing with Moyashi. Ukyo smiled. "Ready? Ranko nodded. Akane looked at Nipplering as she walked over in full battle armor. "I've asked Nipplering to be the referee." Nipplering looked between the two groups. "Okay, this is a one on one fight. Anything goes except causing harm to the spectators or causing property damage. If there is any interference from spectators, I will stop the fight and access whatever penalties I see fit. First person to hurt a spectator or damage a structure will automatically lose the match." Ranko frowned, trying to remember the last fight she had when something didn't get damaged. She couldn't think of one. "That kind of limits what I can do." Nipplering glared at Ranko. "Those are my rules!" Ranko cowered back from the tall Amazon's glare. "Okay... okay..." Nipplering looked around the area. "Okay, then let us begin. Seconds leave the area and contestants step forward." Ranko gave her wife a kiss and then stepped forward as Ranma and Akane went and sat near their kids. Ukyo kissed Sanma's trunk and then--to the surprise of almost everyone--walked away towards where her babies were being looked after by Deeod and Rant, since they wanted some practice. "Ewwww..." Deeod said as she explored the joys of parenthood. Diaper changes, in this case. Ranko frowned. "Where are you going?" she asked Ukyo. Ukyo looked back at Ranko and smiled wickedly. "I'm not fighting." "Then... who..." Ranko turned her head and focused on the large elephant, who was smirking. "Uh oh..." Ukyo smiled. "I never said *I* was going to fight you." The elephant took a step forward, causing the earth to shake. "Oh, shit!" "Papa-chan swore!" Yohachi blurted, giggling. "Shit... shit... shit..." Daiji repeated until Akane covered her mouth. "Daiji, that's not a proper word to use," Akane scolded. Daiji frowned as Akane removed her hand. "Sorry." Ayami looked on intently. -A- -M- -D- Ranko's eyes widened as she saw the huge pink elephant charge at her. She was also shaking in her shoes, but that was caused by the tremors caused by the elephant's charge. At least that's her story. "Don't let him sit on you, Ranko!!" Ranma called out with a shaky voice caused by the tremors. He was sitting with Akane and their three kids. All of them were clutching each other to steady themselves from the tremors caused by the elephant. "Oh, thanks for the brilliant suggestion, Ranma," Ranko snapped. She leapt into the air to avoid the elephant's charge, but misjudged how high Sanma could reach and found her leg snagged by the elephant's trunk. Accompanied by a rush of wind, she found herself slammed face first into the ground. Akane cringed at the savage pounding her husband had just taken. Dazed, but not beaten, Ranko rolled to the side before the elephant could sit on her. She sprang to the top of the roof of one of the nearby houses that the Amazons lived in. She took a deep breath and then raced to the other side of the roof, knowing that Sanma couldn't follow her up here. But he could throw things. Ranko screeched to a halt, just barely avoiding a volley of throwing spatulas that the elephant had thrown with his trunk. Ranko did a back flip to avoid the dozen or so follow-up spatulas that Sanma had pulled from under the blanket that was tied over his back and then did an impressive leap off the end of the roof. The impressive part of her leap ended when she kicked the side of the elephant with no effect. "Oh... shit." Sanma turned his head and looked at Ranko as the little redhead threw punch after punch into his side. He rolled to the side trying to pin Ranko under his bulky body. Although Sanma's elephant body was large and powerful, fast it was not. So Ranko was easily able to get out of the way in time. Ranko grinned as her speed propelled her safely out of the elephant's range. And move she did. For the next ten minutes Ranko and Sanma circled each other. Ranko got in the occasional hit, hoping that they were having some effect on the large animal. Sanma was trying to tire Ranko out by keeping her sister off the roofs with her carefully thrown spatulas. The audience was following the match with keen interest, knowing that the two fighters were evenly matched. When human at least. None of them really knew what the elephant was capable of. Including the elephant, since he had never fought as an elephant until that moment. He had had some practice sessions with his wife in preparation for the match, but not enough to really get used to the feeling of moving a ton of flesh with each movement of his body. Ranko kept up her 'hit and run before my brother the elephant can sit on me' attacks until she noticed a bruise on the side of the elephant. Ranko smiled and decided on a plan of attack. Seconds later she crashed against the side of the one of the large rocks that surrounded the koi pond. A pained grunt erupted from her mouth as she slid to the ground. She sprang to the side as Sanma's huge hoof descended on her location. As she dodged the elephant's hooves, Ranko desperately tried to think up 'plan B'. -A- -M- -D- Plan B almost tore Ranko's right arm off. Ranko clutched her right arm with the other and dodged the latest volley of spatulas. Akane was squeezing Ranma's hand so tightly that he was in more pain than Ranko. "We've... we've got to stop the fight." Ranma shook his head and pried his hand from Akane's viselike grip. "No, Ranko'd never forgive us if we did that." He shook his hand. "I'm sure it'll be okay." Akane frowned as she looked at how Ranko held her arm. "I'm not so sure." Ranma chose not to mention that he meant HIS hand and not Ranko's arm. Ranko crashed to the ground and screamed bloody murder. Sanma took a running leap and came down with all four hooves pointed at Ranko. Unfortunately, that leap took him fifteen seconds to pull off and Ranko was well out of the way when Sanma landed from his half-meter high 'leap'. As Ranko circled out of the way, she realized something. She leapt into the air to avoid a thrown spatula. The elephant spun around trying to keep his eyes on Ranko. To late, he saw the huge chi ball a second before it hit his head. He let out a mighty roar and stumbled backwards. Ranko's eyes went wide. She charged up another ball with her left arm. she thought as she blasted the pink elephant with another chi ball. Over in the spectators, a wave of gasps washed over them as the third chi ball hit the slow moving elephant. Ukyo looked at Nipplering. "Nipplering, this isn't fair!!" Nipplering kept her eyes on the combatants. "There was no rule about chi attacks. As long as there is no property damage or threat to the spectators, I'll allow it to continue." Ukyo didn't like that answer and bit her fingers to steady her nerves. The elephant was trying to avoid the blasts, but Sanma knew he couldn't move fast enough to avoid them all. In one fluid movement, he scooped up a half dozen spatulas from their hiding place under the large blanket he had over his back and flung them in Ranko's direction. Ranko was a little surprised to see the spatulas glowing with green energy as they shot towards her. She let the chi ball in her hand fly and then did a sideways somersault. As the spatulas impacted the ground and exploded, she was showered with dirt and debris. "Phhhffftttt..." Ranma looked at Nipplering. "Property damage!" Nipplering shook her head. "The grass and dirt don't count." Ranma grumbled something. Nipplering didn't look away from the battle when she replied. "My mother may have been called Horsetail, but that does not make me a horse's a..." Her statement was cut off by Sanma's reaction to Ranko's next blast. Ranko was smiling from ear to ear as she circled around Sanma's back and sent another chi ball right up... well... it hit Sanma in a very sensitive spot. The men watching the fight all cringed in sympathy. Ranma gulped loudly. "Damn... Ranko was a guy too once. How could he..." Ranko gulped. An enraged Sanma did a back flip by instinct in order to crush his attacker like a bug, but in his elephant form that only resulted in him twisting a little bit to the side. Again he was hit by a chi blast. He looked around desperately for anything that could help him. That's when he saw the worried expression on his wife's face. Ranko started to savor her come from behind victory and released another chi ball at Sanma. Her eyes went wide as the elephant flung off the blanket on his back and tossed it at her. The blanket burst into flames as the chi ball hit it. Knowing that Sanma was up to something, Ranko leapt straight up to avoid a charging elephant. Instead, she was hit by a large chi ball and crashed to the ground. "What the..." Smoke rising from her singed clothing, Ranko looked up and saw Sanma pointing his trunk at her, a chi ball forming at the tip. The trunk contracted and then expanded toward its target. The chi ball made a beeline toward Ranko. "Oh, shhh.... shoot!!" Instead of correcting her language, Ranko would have been better off getting out of the way of the chi ball. It hit her square across her chest, sending waves of pain throughout her already tired body. The crowd--except for the babies of course--jumped to their feet and gasped as Sanma charged and fired off another chi ball with his trunk. Ranma laughed. "Well, there's something I'd never thought I see, a pink elephant blowing chi balls out of his nose at my sister." Despite the condition of her husband, Akane couldn't help by chuckle. "It is a sight," she said as the elephant's trunk contracted and sent the latest chi ball at Ranko. She cringed as the energy sent her husband a crashing across the ground. After the fourth blast, Ranko managed to get to her feet and stumble out of the path of the fifth and sixth blasts. She circled around the back of the elephant and fired off a blast of her own, before tripping over a mound of dirt that was upturned by one of the earlier spatula blasts. She fell and crashed to the ground, gasping in pain from her multiple injuries. The elephant couldn't get out of the way of the blast, and ended up taking it across his side. Sanma gritted his large teeth as the already sore side was awash in pain. He staggered and tripped over his own feet. With a large thud, he fell to the ground. Unfortunately for Ranko, he fell exactly where Ranko had fallen. Ranko screamed as she was pressed into the ground by the weight of the elephant. All thoughts of the fight vanished as she tried to keep from being crushed. Sanma's eyes glazed over and his large eyelids flickered. With a heavy sigh, his eyes closed as he lost his battle to stay conscious. Ranko heard the snap of one of her bones, not sure which one. She tried pushing with her arms, but the heavy flesh that was crushing her wouldn't budge. On the other side of the unconscious elephant, most of the adults were trying to push Sanma off Ranko. Akane was in tears. "I should have never let that idiot do this..." Ukyo was pushing right next to her. "Yeah... me neither..." Seeing they weren't having any luck pushing Sanma from the side, Ranma looked around. "Let's try pushing from the back end!!" Everyone agreed and shifted around to the rear of the elephant. "One... two... three!!" Nipplering shouted and they all pushed the elephant. Suddenly, Daiji scuttled over with a water pail and tossed the contents onto the elephant. The people pushing the elephant crashed to the ground as the flesh shrunk away from them. Ranko found herself able to breathe again and took full advantage of the fact with several deep breaths. And then a pair of breasts were pressed against her face, cutting off her breathing again. "Gaaaaggggkkkk..." Akane pulled Ranko into a tighter embrace. "Oh, thank goodness you're okay." "Gaaaaa...." "Sanma?" Ukyo asked, holding her now human, female, and naked husband in her arms. "Sanma?" She patted the side of Sanma's face. Ayami pushed her way through all the adults and saw Sanma and Ranko. "Two Papa-chans!!" Ranma smiled at his youngest and then picked up Daiji. "Why'd you do that, Daiji?" Daiji looked at the discarded pail on ground and smiled. "Uncle's like me so I figured water would change him into something that wouldn't crush Mommy." Ranma kissed his daughter's forehead. "That's my smart girl." -A- -M- -D- A few days later in the dojo, the students all gasped. "Sensei, what happened?!" Ranko smiled from the entrance to the dojo. "I had a little fight with an elephant." She hobbled over using a cane, trying to keep her weight off her broken foot. In addition to the cast on her foot and the sling her sprained right arm was in, she had bandages wrapped around several spots on her arms and legs and a big bandage under her shirt to hold her two broken ribs in place. All in all, she was in pretty good condition after almost being crushed by a two-ton elephant. The oldest boy in the class looked over Ranko's injuries without even mentally undressing her as he would normally. "Who won?" Kamajirou asked. Ranko smirked. "Well, let's just call it a draw." "What does the elephant look like?" Kamajirou asked. Ranko smirked. "A lot like me, actually." "Except I didn't break any bones," a carbon copy--except for the pigtail's placement--of Ranko said from the doorway. Like Ranko, she had various bandages wrapped around her. "If you weren't so fat, I'd be in better shape too." "You're just mad because I was declared the winner." Ranko frowned. "Only because your fat ass pinned me before you passed out!!" Sanma scowled at Ranko and took a step towards her sister. A hand grabbing her shirt stopped her. "Oh no you don't. No fighting until you're both completely healed," Ukyo said from behind Sanma, smiling. Sanma nodded. Kamajirou leered at the two redheads. He looked at Ukyo. Ranko looked back at her class and frowned at seeing the perverted leer on Kamajirou's face. She thought back to the time she had broken up a fight between Kamajirou and one of the other students and gotten felt up for her trouble. "Well, class, since I'm a bit indisposed at the moment and my brother is teaching a class over in Shinjuku this week, my sister will be helping out." She gestured towards Sanma. "Please welcome your new Sensei, Sanma Kuonji." The students all bowed to Sanma. Sanma returned the bow, 'accidentally' revealing her sports bra to the students. Kamajirou started to drool. The drooling stopped when Sanma flew through the air and kicked his face. Sanma landed perfectly. "First lesson: Never let your hormones distract you." *********************************************************************** >From the Journal of James Davidson May 26, 2058 "I never did like that Kamajirou," Sanma muttered as she finished her story. "That was a little cruel of you, wasn't it?" I asked. "I mean... he was just a kid." Sanma grinned. "Well, Ranko had told me about their troublesome student before we started. We knew Kamajirou was just looking to learn how to beat people up." I raised an eyebrow. "So you beat him up first?" Sanma smirked. "Well, there are some students that you have to take the direct approach with if they're to have any chance of learning the proper martial arts techniques." I thought back to my classes with Yohachi. "Maybe I should take one of your courses someday." Sanma shook his head. "I'm only doing very advanced classes these days and the techniques I teach aren't defensive." I paused to ponder that statement and wondered what the Tendo's would consider a 'very advanced offensive technique'. The only thing I was sure of was that I wouldn't want to be on the receiving end of any of them. "I guess I'll stick to Yohachi's classes then." Sanma nodded. "Yohachi is a great teacher. I wish I could have half of his patience when my students screw up." I gulped. "He didn't tell you about me falling on my butt when I swung too hard during my class yesterday, did he?" Sanma shook his head. "Nope, he told me you fell on your ass when you ignored his instruction to put your weight into the swing." I gulped. "I didn't want to hurt little Takma... he's just a kid." Sanma shook his head. "Size doesn't matter. Only the technique." I looked skeptically at Sanma and remembered 'The Mammoth Ranko vs. the Elephant fight' that we had just been talking about. "So that's why Ranko almost beat you, even when you were an elephant?" Sanma flinched. "No!! I was... was just taking it easy on him. As it is, I almost killed him." She put her hand nobly on her chest. "If I hadn't held back, he probably would have been crippled for life." I nodded, knowing that Sanma was pulling my leg. Probably. [End - Chapter 5] Coming soon: Chapter 6: Pregnant Pause ======================================================================= The real author's (Jim Lazar) notes/ramblings: I'd like to thank my pre-readers David Johnston, Michael A. Chase, EBJ, and Thomas C. Kinnen for helping me find and fix problems with this story. FFML members Christopher J. Olsen and Lathrop Preston were also helpful in fine tuning this story. Thank you all. Of course in the end, any mistakes and botched characters are my fault. Revision 0.0 - Rough draft began (May 20, 2000) Revision 0.1 - Rough draft finished (June 28, 2000) Revision 0.3 - Pre-reader draft (October 8, 2000) Revision 0.4 - FFML draft (October 22, 2000) Revision 1.0 - Final version (November 27, 2000) Revision 1.1 - First RAAC posting December 6, 2000)