[Ranma][Fanfic] Childhood of a Modern Dynasty - Chapter 6: Too Many Ranmas in the Kitchen ======================================================================= Childhood of a Modern Dynasty Chapter 6: Too Many Ranmas in the Kitchen Ranma 1/2 characters/situations created and copyright by Rumiko Takahashi/Shogakukan/Kitty/Fuji/Viz - Used without permission Childhood of a Modern Dynasty series created, written, and copyright 1998 by Jim Lazar An ongoing series set after the end of the Ranma 1/2 manga and anime. "Speech text in double quotes is spoken as Japanese." E-mail comments and/or criticisms to: jim [at] animeprime.com Make sure to check out my Modern Dynasty website for all released CMD stories, graphics files, and other information: http://www.animeprime/ff/md ======================================================================= >From the personal journal of James Davidson: July 11th, 2057 I lay on the beach and just enjoyed the feel of Hanaki's hands as she massaged the lotion onto my back. "That feels great, Hanaki." "Just remember that I'm next," Hanaki reminded me. "Of course." The trip to Ocean Beach in San Francisco had been Hanaki's idea, but I was enjoying it immensely. "All done!" Hanaki lay down on her stomach at my side. "My turn!" Hanaki informed me, as she undid her bikini straps. I rose and blushed as I saw my new fiancee's back. Damn, she's a vision. I squeezed some lotion onto my hands and proceeded to massage it onto her back. Hanaki purred with pleasure. I looked around awkwardly to see if anyone heard her purr. "So want to tell me more about the split?" I asked. "All business again," Hanaki said and sighed. "Well, keep the back rub going and I will." "Deal," I agreed without reservation, since I was enjoying giving her the back rub anyway. "Where did we stop anyway?" "Um... well Ranma and Akane had been caught in the bathtub together. So, they finally told their families that they were officially engaged and had set a date for the wedding. Mousse flew off, breaking Nabiki's heart. Then Ranma and Ranko were split into two separate people. You had just mentioned Ranko kissing Ukyo after she thought Akane was going to dump her." "Oh goody, things really get interesting after that..." "Jen: Voice mode," I called out and my palmcard switched on and into voice mode. Jen was my access code for my palmcard, named after my first love. Sigh. Well, I have Hanaki now. "A little lower, honey," Hanaki instructed me. "Okay," I replied, then moved my hands down to rub the lotion on her lower back. "Well, Ranko had overheard part of a conversation between Ranma and Akane. She mistakenly thought that Akane was going to dump her and ran of into the rainy night. Ukyo bumped into her and tried to comfort her 'Ran-chan'. They kissed just as Ranma and Akane..." Hanaki began her recital, then stopped suddenly. "Lower, honey." I gulped, then moved my hands lower. *********************************************************************** January 1999 - Nerima, Japan Ranko just shrugged, then leaned in and kissed Ukyo again. Mostly she wanted to know if the same feeling was there. It was. At this moment, being the worse possible moment for them to do so, Ranma and Akane came into Ukyo's restaurant looking for Ranko. They found her, but neither of them expected to find her like this. "Ranko?" Ranma gasped. "What the hell are you doing with my fiancee!" Akane shouted. Ranko and Ukyo jumped apart. Ranko looked upset. Ranma looked confused. Akane looked angry. Ukyo looked ashamed. Then, when she noticed Ranma, Ukyo looked shocked. Then Ukyo looked over at Ranko and back at Ranma. Then Ukyo fainted and collapsed tot he floor. -C- -M- -D- Ucchan's was closed, since the owner was unconscious that was probably for the best. Ranma had carried the unconscious Ukyo upstairs, while Akane and Ranko talked in the restaurant. "Ranko, why did you run out of the house crying?" Akane asked the red headed girl. "You know why! You're going to dump me for that... that... man!" Ranko replied. "Huh? Where did you get that idea?" Akane asked, confused. "I heard you on the roof. You were even going to shove me off to one of the old fiancees! So I beat ya to it!" Akane thought for a second, then said, "Ranko... we were just talking about what to do. You obviously only heard part of the conversation. The part about the old fiancees was just a joke. I love you and I love Ranma. I'm not dumping either of you, but to be honest... I really can't picture me marrying both of you, it... just doesn't seem... practical. That was what me and Ranma were talking about." "Really?" "Really." "I'm such an idiot," Ranko said, then hit her head with her palm. "Yes, I'm glad you finally realize it. Now, about what you and Ukyo were doing..." "Um... well, I'm sorry about that. I sort of ran into her and I guess I was upset and all... it just sort of happened," Ranko explained, then apologized, "I'm sorry." "You'd better be. Do something like that again and I WILL dump you. You're going to have to apologize to Ukyo too. She doesn't even know about the split, you know." "I know... I wasn't thinking straight." "That's an understatement." -C- -M- -D- "Ukyo? Wake up, Ukyo," Ranma said softly, patting her hand. Ukyo lay on her bed in her bedroom. Finally, Ukyo opened her eyes and saw Ranma. "Ranma? I had this weird dream where I was kissing your girl side. Then you walked in as a man. Weird," Ukyo explained, then shook her head. 'Um, well actually it wasn't a dream. Let me explain..." -C- -M- -D- Akane was hugging Ranko when a piercing scream was heard from upstairs. "What?!?! How could she kiss me twice and not tell me that???!!!" Akane looked at Ranko and raised an eyebrow. "Twice?" Ranko apologized again. "Yeah... sorry..." Ukyo raced down the stairs and looked at Ranko with anger in her eyes. Then to make sure she wasn't insane, she looked back at Ranma who stood behind her. She approached Ranko and slapped her. "Hey!" Ranko shouted. "How dare you come here and pretend to be my Ran-chan!" Ukyo screamed. "I am Ranma! We got spilt into two people!" Ranko insisted. "Ranma told me. My Ran-chan is a man!" Ukyo snapped. "Ukyo, you're being a bit harsh. Ranko is same person Ranma was a week ago, except female," Akane explained. "Harsh? She came in here and kissed me!" "You kissed me first!" "Only because I thought Akane dumped you AND that you were MY Ran-chan!" "I am! Why did this happen to me!' Ranko said, then burst into tears and ran out of the restaurant. Akane ran after her. Ranma walked up to Ukyo. "Ukyo, that was really messed up!" he snapped. Ukyo recoiled in shock at the tone of his voice. "She's had a rough week and needs some slack. For the past two years all I've ever wanted is to be free of my girl side. I am now, but she is stuck as a girl full time." Even as he said the words, he wondered why he was defending Ranko so vehemently. "I'm sorry, Ran-chan. I guess I just lost it. Even with your curse, I've always thought of you as a man." "Good, because WE are. Unfortunately for Ranko, she's got to deal with a girl's body full time now." "Hey! What's wrong with a girl's body?!" "Nothing... unless you're a man. Heck, you're the one who showed up here dressed and acting like a boy. Think of how you'd feel if you were REALLY a man full time..." Ranma trailed off and let Ukyo think about it for a few seconds before continuing. "Full time and pretending are different things. Trust me, I know." "Yeah, I guess that has to be hard on her." She bowed her head, humbled. "I'd appreciate it if you could come over tomorrow for dinner and apologize to her. Try to make her feel that some of her old friends can accept her as a girl." "Okay, Ranma. For you." "No. Do it for HER." Ukyo nodded, but then a thought struck her. "Isn't that the same thing?" Ranma looked blankly at Ukyo for a few seconds. "Well.... I guess so, but she's a separate person now and should be treated as one." Ukyo nodded again. "Okay, I'll try, Ran-chan." -C- -M- -D- The rain had stopped, but that didn't stop Ranko from being soaking wet as she ran through the streets. Suddenly, she stopped running and collapsed against a wall, continuing to cry. Akane finally found her, sat down by her side, and wrapped her arms around Ranko. "Ranko? It'll be okay. Ukyo was just surprised." "No... she hates me now. I'm going to have to start all over. None of my old friends will want to be near me. I'm just some freak. Ranma is the real thing. I'm just a cheap imitation." "No, you're not. You are the person I love. I fell in love with a person, not a body or a name. A person. Whatever else happens, I will always love you," Akane said. "But you won't marry me..." "I don't know. I want to marry the person I fell in love with, but that person is now two separate people." "Maybe I should just commit seppuku. Get the pain out of all of our lives." Akane's eyes grew stern and she slapped Ranko. "Don't ever say that!" Ranko held her cheek and muttered, "I'm a punching bag today." Akane drew Ranko into a tight embrace. "Don't ever think that I'd be better off without you. I love you." -C- -M- -D- The next morning, Akane crept slowly around the yard, which was covered in a light layer of snow. Her eyes searched everywhere for her attackers. She leapt on top of a bolder by the koi pond and shivered as a cold breeze blew up her gi. she thought, while looking around. Suddenly, she did a back flip onto the back wall, just barely avoiding Ranko and Ranma's attacks. Instead of hitting her, they hit each other. Akane grinned as her two fiancees smacked into each other. In an incredible show of balance, they somehow managed to keep from falling into the freezing Koi pond. Akane ran along the fence. Ranma leapt onto the fence and chased after her. Ranko jumped onto the roof of the house and ran towards the opposite side. She reached the end and jumped towards the wall. Akane had seen Ranko coming, so she leapt straight up into the air and Ranko passed by underneath. Unfortunately, Ranko had anticipated her move so she thrust a fist upwards and landed a heavy blow to Akane's stomach. Akane came down on top of Ranma and nearly fell off the wall. Using Ranma to steady herself, she managed to remain on the wall. She ducked just as Ranma swung around and tried to kick her. After the leg passed over her head, she landed an uppercut to Ranma's jaw and sent him into orbit. "Oops, didn't mean to hit him that hard," she said, following his trajectory. She was then kicked in the back and fell to the ground. She slid across the snow-covered ground and crashed into one wall of the partially rebuilt dojo, which collapsed on top of Akane. "You okay, Akane?" Ranko asked, while digging Akane out of the scrap wood formerly known as a wall. She helped Akane to her feet. "Stupid mistake, I forgot about you for a split second. I'm still not used to fighting two people at the same time. I guess this is good practice after all," Akane said, digging out some snow from her undershirt. "Need some help with the snow?" Ranko smirked. "I can manage, pervert," Akane replied. She leaned in and kissed Ranko. "Sure, I get knocked into orbit and she gets kissed!" Ranma exclaimed, after jumping back into the yard. Akane smiled, then pulled Ranma close and kissed him deeply. "Hey! I thought we weren't going to do any kissing in front of the other fiancee!" Ranko complained, glaring at Ranma. "Oh, yeah. I forgot," Akane said and then stuck her tongue out at Ranko. "My dojo!" Soun cried out as he opened the back door. "Sorry, Dad. It was an accident," Akane said sheepishly. "Sorry, Mr. Tendo," the two Ranmas apologized and bowed. -C- -M- -D- Nodoka opened the door and let Ukyo in. "Mrs. Saotome, thank you for having me for dinner." "You're always welcome, Ukyo dear. Ranko is in her room." Nodoka directed her into the room near the front door. "Thank you," Ukyo said, bowing. Then she entered Ranma and Ranko's room. "Ran-ch... .err... Ranko?" Ranko looked up from the martial arts magazine she was paging though. "Oh... hi... Ukyo." Ranko didn't quite hide the bitterness in her voice. Of course, she wasn't really trying to. Ukyo thought before she apologized. "Ranko, I'm sorry about yesterday. Everything happened so fast... I just sort of lost it." "That's okay. I'm starting to realize that I'll have to start over and find new friends if I can't go back to the way I was," Ranko said, still paging through the magazine. "No, you won't. I'm still your friend. I overreacted yesterday. No matter what happens, I'll always be your friend." Ranko finally stopped paging through the magazine and looked at Ukyo. Ranko smiled weakly. "Thanks, Ukyo." She rose to her feet, then bowed a bit in embarrassment and started to twiddle her thumbs. "Ummmm... .I guess I have to apologize for not telling you everything last night." "Well, you did leave out some important details," Ukyo said, then grinned. "Like... you were a woman full time and that there were two of you running around." "Yeah... I'm sorry about that," Ranko said, then hugged Ukyo. Ukyo was a little surprised, but hugged Ranko back. "Ranko, your being a woman doesn't matter to me. I'll be your friend no matter what," Ukyo said. "Thanks, but I'm still a man. Despite this body." -C- -M- -D- Everyone knelt down and started to eat dinner. While they ate, Ukyo was filled in on how Ranma and Ranko were split. "So, what did it feel like to kiss yourself?" Ukyo asked. "I don't know... I thought it was Akane at the time," Ranma explained. "It was icky," Ranko insisted and glared at Ranma. "Boys, please don't fight at the table." "They are a handful, aren't they?" Ukyo asked Akane. "Yes, one was bad enough, but these two can't stop bickering," Akane explained. "Let me know if you want me to take one them off your hands," Ukyo said, then winked. "Um... sure," Akane said. She wasn't sure if Ukyo was joking or not. -C- -M- -D- "Ranko, there are some things you need to know about your female body," Nodoka began and held her 'daughters' hand. "Mom!! I already know about washing myself. I have spent some extended times as a girl, you know," Ranko explained. "Yes, but only for a few weeks at most, right?" Nodoka asked. Ranko nodded. "Well, a female body has certain cycles to prepare itself for conceiving a child and nurturing it." "I don't plan on having children, even if I'm stuck in this body." "You may change your mind. Either way, you still have deal with certain things." "What things?" One 'a woman's body is a beautiful flower' speech later, Ranko said, "Ick. All women have to go through that every month?" "Yes, it's all part of being a woman." "Is that why Akane gets even angrier at certain parts of the month?" Nodoka held back a laugh. "I couldn't tell you for sure, but it's usually not a good idea to make comments on 'that time of the month'." "Oh... okay I won't." "Especially considering Akane's temper." "She's gotten a lot nicer over the last year." "It's because she's fallen in love." "Who is he? I'll kill him," Ranko said, leaping to her feet. "It's you and Ranma, dear." "Oh, right." -C- -M- -D- The next day, Nodoka walked into the family room with a large envelope in her hand. "Nabiki, this just came for you," Nodoka said and handed the envelope to Nabiki. Nabiki looked up from the magazine she was reading and took the envelope. "I'm not expecting anything... I wonder what it is?" She opened it and almost choked on her tongue as she saw the letter on top of the bundle of papers. "It's from Mousse! Was he just at the door?" Nabiki asked hopefully, jumping to her feet. "Sorry, just a delivery person," Nodoka said, kneeling down at the table next to Kasumi. Nabiki frowned and then read the letter. "Wow," she said, then started leafing through the other papers. Kasumi looked up from the medical textbook on the table she was reading. "What is it, Nabiki?" "Mousse gave me the Cat Cafe." Kasumi and Nodoka both gasped. "Oh my. I didn't know he owned it," Kasumi said. "I didn't either, but apparently Cologne gave it to him after she returned to China," Nabiki explained as she examined the deed to the restaurant, which now bore her name. She grinned and little yen signs started dancing in her eyes. "That is quite a gift. He must really care for you, Nabiki," Kasumi said. "It could be considered a dowry," Nodoka suggested. Nabiki almost choked on her tongue. "From a man to a woman? Doubtful. Besides without a groom with it, what's the point?" "The Amazon's are a matriarchal society, so maybe the men give the betrothal gifts?" Nodoka gave Nabiki a questioning look. "Well, I'd rather have Mousse than some rest... au..." Nabiki trailed off and gasped in surprise at her own statement. Nodoka and Kasumi exchanged smiles. "Well, at least it shows that he's still thinking of you," Kasumi said. "I guess. Well, until he comes back and helps me run it, I'll make it the most popular restaurant in Tokyo!" Nabiki declared, clenching her fist. "That's the spirit, Nabiki," Nodoka cheered. "Kasumi, want to be my cook?" "Oh my, thank you for the offer, but I have my hands full with my studies and kissing my sweet Tofu," Kasumi replied, then blushed. "Oh my, did I say that out loud?" Nabiki grinned at her sister. "I'll do it, Nabiki!" Akane offered, coming out of nowhere. Nabiki blanched. "Um... err..." she stammered, suddenly at a loss for words. Ranko came up behind Akane and put her hand on Akane's shoulder. She shook her head sadly and asked, "Akane, are you trying to drive her out of business right away?" Akane glared at Ranko. "Oops... sorry. It just slipped out! Honest! I just meant that..." Ranma came into the room and chuckled. "It's kind of fun seeing someone else get in trouble for stating the obvious!" He broke into a full out laugh. While Ranma and Ranko dug themselves in deeper, Nabiki scanned the papers for the details on her new business. -C- -M- -D- Later that day, Nabiki looked over HER restaurant with her father. "Well, I'll have to hire a staff and find a great cook. Cologne and Shampoo's cooking was what really made this joint popular before." "I'm so proud of my little girl! Owning her own restaurant at such a young age!" Soun said, crying. "Daddy, calm down and keep sweeping." Nabiki thought. She had briefly considered hiring someone to run it, such as the street gang she had hired last year, but then decided that it might be good experience to run it herself. Well, at least until things were running smoothly. While Soun cleaned the place up, Nabiki took a long look at the shrine that Mousse had setup for Shampoo. She lifted it up and was going to go throw it into the trash when she stopped short. Finding that she couldn't throw it away, she took it upstairs and put it into a small storeroom. "I guess I can't blame you for being loved by Mousse so much that he can't commit to me. He'll be back... I know it," Nabiki said to the little shrine. "Now what do I name the restaurant?" Nabiki asked herself while walking down the stairs. -C- -M- -D- A few days later, Ukyo was working behind the grill at Uuchan's when Ranko walked in. "Hey, Ranko, where's Ran-chan?" "I don't know, I'm not his keeper," Ranko said, then added sharply, "Why is HE 'Ran-chan' and I'm just 'Ranko'?" "Um, well... I don't know seems more natural that way," Ukyo tried to explain. "That's the story of my two week old life... Ranma's the original... Ranma's the man... Ranma... Ranma..RANMA!" "Calm down, Ranko! If you like, I'll call you Ran-chan instead. Doesn't matter too much, I've lost you both to Akane." "Don't be too sure. If we can't recombine, I'm pretty sure I'll be up for grabs," Ranko suggested. "Huh?" "Well, I can't see Akane choosing me over that male jerk," Ranko spat. "Has she said that?" Ukyo asked. She meant it to sound concerned, but somehow it came out as hopeful. Ranko apparently didn't notice Ukyo's hopeful tone. "No, but she has said she can't marry us both. The worse part about it is the only one of my previous admirers that would take me like this-" Ranko indicated her female body, then continued with contempt in her voice, "-is Kuno." Ukyo took Ranko's hand in hers. "Hang in there. I'll always be here for you, no matter what." "Thanks, Ukyo." "So, what's going on over at the battleground?" Ukyo asked. Ranko smirked. "We haven't blown up the new dojo yet, if that's what you're asking." "I was curious about that." Ukyo smiled. She flipped the okonomiyaki she was cooking. "Just knocked down one of the walls." "I see." Ukyo smirked. "Actually, the big news right now is that Nabiki is ready to open her new restaurant. She's been working us ragged for the past few days to get it cleaned up and converted into a French restaurant." "That was fast. At least she didn't open a gourmet okonomiyaki restaurant," Ukyo said. "Don't worry, Ukyo. I couldn't compete directly with your okonomiyaki," Nabiki declared as she entered Ucchan's. Startled, Ukyo greeted Nabiki. "Oh... hi, Nabiki." "The former Cat Cafe was better suited for a fancier restaurant anyway, not that okonomiyaki isn't good food." "Thanks. You find a good cook?" "I stole Pierre DuPont from Ma Masion," Nabiki explained, proudly. "Wow! He's probably the best French cook in Tokyo!" Ukyo exclaimed. She finished the okonomiyaki she was cooking and flipped it into Ranko's waiting hands. Well, that where she aimed it, but Ranko intercepted it with her mouth and gulped it down. "Yes, he is. He owed me some favors, so I convinced him it would be better to work for me than at Ma Masion. Ranko, you need to be there at four o'clock today to get ready for the opening," Nabiki said, as she left. "Ok, Nabiki. I'll be there," Ranko said, after polishing off the okonomiyaki. "Huh?" Ukyo asked. "Ranma, Akane, and me are going to wait tables until Nabiki finds some permanent workers," Ranko explained. A large grin blossomed on Ukyo's face. "Oh, I've got to come and see this." -C- -M- -D- "It's too short!" "Quiet, Ranko! Akane and Ranma aren't complaining," Nabiki calmly said, looking at her other two employees. Ranma was wearing a black tuxedo and Akane was wearing a French outfit with an extremely short skirt just like Ranko's. It looked similar to what one would call a French maid's uniform, mostly since that was what Nabiki asked for when she ordered the uniforms. Ranko tugged the short skirt down on her outfit. "Why can't I wear a tuxedo like Ranma!" "Because he's a man, of course." "I'm a man too!" Ranko claimed, pointing at her chest. "Boy, I never knew how stupid I looked when I claimed I was a man and then pointed at my boobs," Ranma said, chuckling. "Shut up!" Ranko retorted. "Calm down, Ranko," Akane said, wrapping her arms around Ranko from the back. "I know you're a man inside, but you'll have to get used to being called a woman since you have such a gorgeous body." She kissed Ranko on the cheek. "Oh, pl... ea... se," Ranma spat in mock disgust. Mock, since he knew Akane was just trying to make Ranko feel better. He hopped. "Knock it off, you two lovebirds. No hanky panky on my time," Nabiki commanded. "Okay, boss," Akane replied, snapping to attention. "Now then, the chef has the kitchen covered with a couple assistants he brought with him. Ranko and Akane, you cover the tables. Remember to smile and be courteous. Ranma, you handle the wine and help Ranko and Akane when needed. "Yes, Ma'am!" Ranma snapped, slapping his head in an elaborate mock salute. "Just remember that the better you do, the more I take off your debt," Nabiki reminded them. "I still don't know why I have to pay half of Ranma's debt," Ranko muttered. "You are just as much responsible for that debt as he is, Ranko." "I guess, but what about all that money you made off selling pictures of this 'gorgeous body' that I now own exclusively," Ranko asked, posing in a very sexy pose. Akane's heart skipped a beat. "I already gave you a list of who bought them so you can reclaim them if you care that much," Nabiki explained, for the umpteenth time. Akane patted Ranko on her back. "Relax, Ranko, let's just do our best tonight. Even if she didn't think my cooking was good enough, I'll do what I can to make things go smoothly." "I guess," Ranko muttered. -C- -M- -D- Nabiki threw open the doors of her restaurant. "Welcome, everyone!" she greeted the assembled people out side. "Welcome to Mon Canard!" She motioned to the very elaborately decorated French restaurant. The kitchen was now closed off from the dining area. Candle-lit tables awaited their first customers. Nodoka, Soun, Kasumi, and Dr. Tofu were the first to come in, dressed to the nines. A panda in a tuxedo followed them in. Nabiki kept up her professional manner. "Table for four?" she asked. "Five, actually," Nodoka replied, bowing her head in embarrassment. "Of course, five. This way please," Nabiki said, admitting the group. "Six!" a voice called out. They looked around and saw that Ms. Hinako was standing in the doorway in her adult form. "Mr. Tendo, would you do me the favor of allowing me to dine with you tonight?" Ms. Hinako said in her sexiest voice and snuggled up to his arm. "Err... yes, of course. That would be fine. No reason for you to eat alone," Soun agreed. "Thank you, Soun." Ms. Hinako walked in with the group, carrying a fish bowl containing two fighting fish under her arm. Nabiki sat them down at her best table. Despite their other shortcomings, they were family after all. She handed each of them a menu. "Welcome. Ms. Ranko here will be your waitress," she said, indicating Ranko who frowned at being called 'Ms'. "Enjoy your dinner." She left Ranko at the table and made her way to the front to welcome the next guests. She pulled out a tape recorder and spoke into it. "Reminder: Make sign reading 'No Pets Allowed' for restaurant." "Table for two." "Of course, Ms. Kuonji. Since you're friends, I'll overlook the ties for men rule," Nabiki said, indicating Konatsu in his very fancy dress. She led the two to their table. "Err... thanks," Ukyo said, then whispered to Konatsu, "Thanks for showing me up, Konatsu." She self-consciously straightened her simple, but beautiful dress. She had almost worn a suit and tie, but Konatsu had insisted on a dress. Of course, Ukyo only found out as they left Ucchan's that Konatsu meant for BOTH of them. "Ukyo, you look more lovely than I ever could," Konatsu insisted. "Here you go," Nabiki said, indicating a quaint little table in a dark corner. Ukyo looked awkwardly at the intimate little table, but sat down anyway. Konatsu joined her. "Ms. Akane will be your waitress. Enjoy your dinner," Nabiki said. On her way back to the front of her restaurant, she spoke into her recorder again. "Reminder: Make sign about dress code that explains what a man is and what a woman is." Nabiki sighed. Then she remembered that one of her waitresses was a man in a woman's body. Nabiki reconsidered her stance and shrugged in resignation. Nabiki turned around to admit her next guests just in time to see a dozen naked women run through the doorway. A little old pervert, who appeared to be in heat, was chasing them. The women headed for the kitchen and then shot out the back door. "Come back, pretty ladies!!" Happosai called out, running through the kitchen in pursuit of the women. He decided to continue his pursuit of the naked ladies, since 'naked' was higher on his list of priorities than 'French maid uniform'. Nabiki shook her head sadly. -C- -M- -D- About a half-hour later, Ranko carried a large tray out of the kitchen. She held it above her head with a single finger. With a flourish, she put it down next to the table her parents and the others were sitting at. "Here you go," she said, and served the dishes. After serving all the dinners, she poured a kettle of hot water over the panda. After transforming back into a man, Genma straightened his glasses. "I didn't order that," he commented. "Yes I know, sir. Your wife did," Ranko said, in her most professional waitress tone of voice. "Ungrateful daughter," Genma spat. "Genma, behave yourself. We are Mr. Tendo's guests tonight," Nodoka scolded her husband. "Yes, dear." -C- -M- -D- "Here you go, Ms. Kuonji," Akane said, as she served the dishes. "Can I get you anything else?" "A man who doesn't wear dresses?" Ukyo commented, glancing at Konatsu. "Nope, Ranma's all mine," Akane replied, smiling. "Ranko too, even if she... he does wear dresses." Ukyo smiled back, although it turned into a frown after Akane walked away. -C- -M- -D- Later, Akane and Ranma stood next to the kitchen door and looked over to where their families were eating. Ms. Hinako was hand feeding a blushing Soun. "Who does she think she is!" Akane growled. Ranma put his arm around Akane. "What's wrong with your father finding someone to love like I did?" "She's trying to replace my mother! It's bad enough your mother is acting like my mom, but..." Akane trailed off. "Neither of them want to replace your mother, Akane. No one could," Ranma said, hugging her. "Hey, take care of your personal problems on your own time!" Nabiki interrupted the tender moment. "Ranma, table nine needs more wine and, Akane, table one is going to need a minister soon." Nabiki had a smirk on her face when she finished her instructions. "Nabiki! How can you say that?" Akane asked in disbelief. "Akane, it's been years since Mother died. If Daddy can be happy with Ms. Hinako, where's the harm?" Nabiki asked. Akane had no answer. Ranma went over to table nine. "More wine for the pretty ladies?" he asked. Konatsu blushed and shyly tittered into his hands. Ukyo smirked and nodded. "Akane's a lucky woman," she remarked. "Don't worry, Ukyo. I'm sure your prince charming will come along someday," Ranma said, pouring the wine. "He could already be right in front of her," Konatsu muttered. Ranma bent down and whispered to Konatsu. "Konatsu, if you really want to get closer to Ukyo you should try dressing like a guy." Konatsu frowned at the thought. "Say, Ukyo, where is Ryoga anyway?" Ranma asked unexpectedly. "Beats me. He went to the temple with Konatsu and me on New Years Day, but we haven't seen him since. I hope he makes it back before school starts or he'll fall behind," Ukyo explained. Ranma thought as he returned to the kitchen. -C- -M- -D- Nabiki walked into the kitchen and gasped. "Pierre! Where are your assistants?" Pierre DuPont was sitting on the floor with his head in his hands. "My sweet Aki-chan left me. She said I should have stayed at Ma Masion," he mumbled. "Damn... and I imagine that she took her brother with her. I'm sorry Pierre, but you've got to keep cooking. I'll get one of the others to help you out in here," Nabiki insisted, patting him gently on his shoulder. "No! Without my Aki-chan I am nothing! How can I cook anything without her to inspire me!" he sobbed. "Pierre, it's opening night. Just finish tonight and we can go find Akiko. I'm sure she'll take you back." "No! She's right! I was better off there!" Pierre said. He jumped to his feet and ran out of the back door. "Akiko! Where are you Akiko!" he screamed into the night. "Damn you, Pierre! You're going to have to pay your debt back in full now!" Nabiki yelled at the disappearing chef. "Shit," Nabiki muttered after staring at the back door for several moments. She pulled her tape recorder out again. "Note to self: Never hire people with their girlfriends or relatives." Then she remembered that her waitresses and wine steward were all of the above. Nabiki came out of the kitchen and made a beeline for the Tendo's table. She bent down and whispered to Kasumi. "Kasumi, can you help me out? My chef just had a fight with his girlfriend, who was also his assistant. I have no one in the kitchen." "Oh my. Of course, but I'll need help," Kasumi replied. "Thanks, big sister. I'll pull Ranma off wine duty," Nabiki said, giving Kasumi a little hug. -C- -M- -D- Kasumi was covered in flour. "Ranma, thanks for the help, but you're mixing too fast. Keep it in the bowl please," she said. "Sorry," Ranma muttered and slowed. His tuxedo was now white instead of black. Ranko came in and snickered. "Even Akane could keep the flour in the bowl, Ranma," she claimed, while wiping off his face with a towel. "Hey! It was an accident!" Ranma shot back. "Do you have the order for table five yet?" Ranko asked, ignoring Ranma's outburst. "Ummm, yes... it's right there," Kasumi said, pointing to a tray of food. She wiped her brow. "Are you okay, Kasumi?" Ranko asked. "I'm fine. I just never had to cook this fast before." Kasumi smiled weakly. "Need any help in here?!" Akane asked, appearing out of nowhere. "No, I'm doing okay with Ranma. Please just keep the customers happy," Kasumi insisted. Ranma started to chop some carrots up, when Ranko stopped him. "Ranma, here... let me show you how to do that faster," she said. "Hey! I can do this myself! Just get your orders and go!" Ranma snapped back at Ranko. "Don't tell me what to do!" "Ranko! Take you order and get out, please," Kasumi snapped, but grew calmer by they time she finished the statement. "Err... okay, sorry," Ranko replied and grabbed the tray for table five and made her exit. "Are you sure you're okay, Kasumi?" Ranma asked. Kasumi smiled sweetly. "Yes." -C- -M- -D- Ranko finished serving table five and then she noticed Nabiki seating Kuno. At one of HER tables, no less. Mariko, the cheerleader from hell, was with him. Kuno was out of his casts from the summer's 'accidents'. Ranko made a beeline to the kitchen, while trying not to be noticed. "Ranma! You've got to take my place out there!" "Why?" Ranma asked, looking up from the dish he was garnishing. "Kuno just showed up!" "Oh, well he knows about the curse so he shouldn't bother you," Ranma mentioned. "But we're not cursed anymore! If he finds out I'm a separate person he might start chasing me again! Please?" Ranko pleaded. "Well, I would, but my tux is a mess. See?" Ranma indicated his flour-covered tuxedo. "Ranko! You've got new customers!" Nabiki snapped, sticking her head in the door. "I know! Why did you have to seat him at one of my tables?!" Ranko asked. "It was the only one open. Just act professional and everything will be okay. Looks like he finally found someone who can stand him, Mariko is with him," Nabiki explained, smirking. "I always thought you liked Kuno?" Ranma asked. "Kuno? Don't be ridiculous. He was useful to me, but only as a source of income. He's way too pompous and irritating for me to ever entertain going out with him. Now get going, Ranko!" "Okay," Ranko said, reluctantly. She grabbed another tray of food and took it out to the front. After serving another table, Ranko stood in front of Kuno. "I'm Ms. Ranko, can I take your order?" she asked, calmly. "Ah! My pigta..." Kuno started to say, but stopped and glanced at Mariko. "Um... Yes, my fair damsel here would like Sole Grenobloise aux Capres and for my noble self... hmmmm... do you have any duck?" Ranko grinned, but forced it off her face. "No, sir. I'm afraid we have no duck dishes," she explained calmly. "Considering the grand name of the restaurant, I'd have thought you'd have several delectable duck dishes." "Well, the owner is... fond of ducks. May I suggest the Filet de Boeuf au Roquefort?" she asked, tripping over the French words a bit. "Hmmm, yes that sounds fine. And Soup du Jour for us both, my former fair flame of passion," Kuno said. Both Ranko and Mariko grimaced. Ranko took the menus and made a quick retreat. She heard Mariko tell Kuno, "She's a man, remember!" as she left. The sound of a skull being hit with a plate followed shortly after. Nabiki came up beside Ranko and put her arm around her shoulder. "See? I told you... he's moving on. With Mariko available for him to drool over, hopefully he won't bother our families again," Nabiki explained, then whispered, "Make sure to use the prices on those menus I gave them, they are twice the normal price." "Huh?" "Those are my special Kuno menu prices," Nabiki explained, smiling. Ranko smiled back and went back into the kitchen. -C- -M- -D- Despite the loss of the chef, Kasumi was managing to keep the orders rolling out of the kitchen with only a little chaos. Ranko was helping garnish her next order when Nabiki poked her head in. "Table seven needs wine!" she said, then quickly went back to help Akane serve a big order. Out of habit, Ranma brushed his tuxedo off and went out. He walked over to table seven and blanched when he saw it was Kuno and Mariko. "Err... the gentleman wishes some wine?" Ranma asked, barely controlling his urge to call Kuno a rather unpleasant name. "Ah, Saotome. Yes, your best wine for my fair damsel and me. My, my, Nabiki is getting her monies worth with you. Both a wine steward and a waitress, very commendable for a lowly scum like yourself," Kuno recited. Mariko chuckled and hung on Kuno's arm. "Right... away... SIR..." Ranma said, between clenched teeth. He turned to return to the kitchen to fetch the wine. "Oh, and no need to wear the tux, my fair lady. The dress you were wearing was most ravishing and suited your ample proportions immensely," Kuno added, before Ranma got out of earshot. Ranma stopped short, his eye twitched. "How dare you!" Ranma and Mariko exclaimed at the same time. "But, alas, 'tis true! Ranma's female side is the fairest of them all!" Kuno declared. "Kuno, you jerk!" Mariko yelled and shoved Kuno away from her. Kuno fell face first onto the ground in front of Ranma. Ranma helped Kuno up, but Kuno brushed his hands away. "How dare you touch me!" "I was just helping you up," Ranma declared, then added a sharp, "SIR!" "To force me to take such a position is the ultimate dishonor to my noble person!" "Talk to your girlfriend then, idiot! If you'd pay attention to her instead of me in a dress, she wouldn't have hit you!" Ranma screamed back, losing what control he had managed to keep before. The other diners all looked at the two men yelling at each other and Nabiki started towards the commotion. At Ukyo's table, she looked over at Konatsu. "Now the fun begins," she commented. Konatsu nodded his agreement. Kuno pulled his bokken out and Ranma took up a defensive posture. Ranma ducked all the swings Kuno attempted and threw a couple quick jabs at Kuno's stomach. Kuno gasped as they hit. "Stop it!" Nabiki called out. Ranma managed to grab Kuno's bokken and yanked hard, but Kuno wouldn't let go so he was pulled around and went flying into the kitchen. Unfortunately, he put a large Kuno-shaped hole in the new wall that Nabiki had installed to hide the kitchen from the dining room. A startled Ranko looked down at Kuno, whose head had hit the side of the large stove. "Kuno? You alive?" she asked. Kuno opened his eyes. "Ah, pigtailed girl! It was nice of you to change to your feminine form to apologize for your misdeeds," Kuno said, then leapt to his feet. "I accept!" he exclaimed. Then he hugged Ranko, pinning her arms to her sides. "I'm a guy! Remember, you idiot?!" Ranko said. With a swift movement, she broke the hug with a quick thrust of her pinned arms and followed with a savage kick to Kuno's stomach. Kuno went flying back to the dinning room, but Ranma pounded him again. Kuno flew back to the kitchen, where Ranko used a large skillet to bash him back into the dining room. Soon, Ranma and Ranko had an exciting game of Kunoball going. The restaurant patrons' heads pivoted back and forth as they followed the 'ball', who was usually known as Kuno, jerkface, drooling idiot, or just plain annoying. There are other words that had been used to describe Kuno, but they are too numerous and obscene to mention here. Mariko started cheering for Kuno. "B-A-L-L... Ball! Go ball!" She did a high jump and then landed in a split. If Kuno could get over his fixation with hermaphrodites, he'd be VERY happy with Mariko. "Ranko, spike him!" Ukyo cheered. Ranko smiled and with a vicious overhand smash pounded Kuno towards the floor. Ranma dove for the floor and sent Kuno into orbit with a savage upper cut. Ranma rose from the ruined floor that had splintered during his lunge. He wiped his hands together and smiled. Then he saw a very angry Nabiki. "Sorry about that, Nabiki, but he pulled his bokken first," he apologized and then quickly retreated into the kitchen. Nabiki looked up to the hole in the roof. she thought. Then she turned to Mariko. "Mariko, I'm sorry about this. Finish your dinner," she said, then swallowed hard and continued her statement, "it's on the house." "That's okay, I'll just have to work harder to keep him away from your families if I ever want him to be my own," Mariko said, then calmly took another bite of her dish. "That would be best," Nabiki agreed, then called out to the other patrons. "Folks, I'm sorry for the disruption, but it looks like we can continue serving tonight. If anyone has any debris in their meals, we'll replace it for you." She started to check on her customers, imagining the nights profits disappear up through the newly created skylight. "I was kind of expecting more," a disappointed Ukyo said. Konatsu nodded his agreement. "Well, the night is young." He looked lovingly at Ukyo, but Ukyo was just looking over at the damage. -C- -M- -D- Nabiki stormed into the kitchen and glared at Ranma. "Why did you go out there, Ranma!" "You told me that table seven needed wine!" Ranma replied in the same tone of voice. Nabiki glared at Ranma, but knew he was right; she hadn't made herself clear before. "I meant for Ranko to do it. Anyway, you're on kitchen duty for the rest of the night. Don't leave it for any reason, understood?!!" "Yes, I'm sorry." "Good. I know the bastard deserved it, but this is MY business. I can't have these kinds of disruptions!" Nabiki exclaimed. "I'm sorry." "Me too," Ranko added softly. "Just try to keep the damage down to a minimum, okay?" Nabiki asked. Ranma and Ranko nodded. "Kasumi, here are some replacement orders from people whose dishes got parts of the roof in them." "Oh, I've already made the replacements. They are on that tray there," Kasumi mentioned, pointing to a tray of food by the door. "How did you know what needed to be remade?" Nabiki asked, amazed. She visually confirmed that the dishes on the tray were exactly what were needed. "Oh, I just took a look at where the hole was and which tables were around it," Kasumi explained. "Kasumi, you're a gem. I wish I could keep you!" "Thank you. It was a little rough getting started, but I've got a good routine down now," Kasumi said, while stirring some noodles. "If only I could have two of you, instead of two Ranmas," Nabiki remarked, glaring at the two Ranmas. "Hey!" Ranko and Ranma shot back. -C- -M- -D- After an hour of calmness, Ranko carried a tray of dirty dishes into the kitchen and put them into the large sink. "Damn, this is hard work," she said, wiping her forehead off. Akane, who was carrying another load, followed her in. "How's it going out there?" Ranma asked. Ranko smiled weekly. "Pretty well, we..." "Ranma! What a sweet dress!" a voice yelled out, interrupting Ranko. This was followed by a freak of nature glomping onto Ranko's butt. "Oh, such nice frilly panties!" Happosai said, feeling the silk between his fingers. Ranko proceeded to pound Happosai into the floor. "Get off me, you dirty old pervert!" Happosai looked up and for the first time saw Ranma. Then he looked back at Ranko and shouted, "It did work!! Now I can have my sweet girl Ranma all the time!" Ranma, Ranko, and Akane all looked at Happosai. They looked at each other and then back at the little freak. "What worked?" Akane shouted. "Just a little doodad I got from the old Cat Cafe. Now you know the true terror of upsetting me!" Happosai declared and quickly glomped onto Akane's breasts. Akane separated him from her breasts with a clenched fist, but Happosai attached himself to Ranko's chest. She knocked him into the soup. Kasumi noticed the new flavor of soup and quickly changed the soup of the day to 'Soup de Perverti'. Happosai rose from the soup and cursed. "How dare you!" he yelled. His battle aura exploded around him, causing the back wall to collapse. Ranko leapt at Happosai and landed a hard kick to his stomach. Happosai flipped sideways and knocked his attacker on the back with his pipe. Ranko collapsed to the floor. Ranma sidestepped Kasumi, who was calmly making a meal, and threw some fast chestnut punches at Happosai. Ranko joined Ranma in striking at Happosai. Happosai deflected some of the punches, but was losing ground to Ranma and Ranko's determined attack. Suddenly, Happosai pulled out a large firecracker and prepared to lob it at Ranma and Ranko. "Shit! He'll blow up the whole building with that one!" Ranma yelled. Ranko thrust her hands in front of her and built up a charge of energy in her hands. "Moko Takabisha!" she yelled. "What are you doing!" Akane yelled in disbelief. The chi blast shot from Ranko's hands, impacted against Happosai's chest, and sent him and the bomb crashing through one of the two undamaged walls of the kitchen. Happosai took a brief trip through the dining room and then made another skylight in the roof. A bright flash filled the sky, followed by the sound of an explosion. Kasumi walked calmly over and caught a tray of finished dinners that had been tossed up into the air by the blast. "Here you go, Akane. This is table twelve's order," she calmly said, handing the tray to Akane. "Err... thanks Kasumi," Akane replied, absently taking the tray. "Happosai did this to us?" Ranma growled. "He's dead this time. That..." Ranko said, then cursed in a most unlady-like manner. "He said he got it from the old Cat Cafe... then Cologne must have had something to do with it. Maybe before she returned to China," Akane pondered, but Ranma and Ranko were too busy trying to decide how to kill Happosai to hear her. "We'll get him! Let's show the old freak the error of his ways. He made one crucial mistake!" Ranma declared. "What mistake?" Akane asked. "He created two Ranmas. All the better to beat him up with," Ranko answered. Ranma and Ranko glanced at each other, nodded, then left to find Happosai. Akane didn't stop them, this time Happosai deserved all the pain they would inflict. Akane tried to figure out why Happosai thought splitting Ranma in two was a fitting revenge. To her, it seemed more likely that Happosai really wanted the girl Ranma around full time so he could glomp her. Nabiki burst into the kitchen. "What the hell is going..." She trailed off as she saw the missing walls and the extent of the damage to the kitchen. In comparison, the damage to the dining room was minor. "Sorry, Nabiki, we won't have any more soup tonight," Kasumi mentioned, understating the extent of the damage considerably. "Happosai showed up and tried to blow the building up," Akane tried to explain. "So Ranko and Ranma blew up two walls instead?" Nabiki asked. "No... only one of them. Happosai did the other one." "Oh, that's okay then." -C- -M- -D- Happosai crashed into the women's side of a local bathhouse. Normally, he would welcome a chance to gawk at the pretty ladies, but this time he was more concerned with putting out his burning clothes. He jumped into a tub and doused the flames. After extinguishing himself, Happosai glomped onto the nearest naked female. Unfortunately for Happosai, Ranko had anticipated that move so she was the one he had glomped onto. She pried him off her chest and crammed the old freak into a bath pail. "Oh, that arm doesn't fit," Ranko noticed. Snap. Happosai cried out in pain. Seeing Ranma running down the street through the hole in the wall, Ranko yelled out, "Go deep!" Ranko took great pleasure in kicking the pail, along with Happosai, down to him. Instead of catching the pail, football style, Ranma broke a street sign off and used it to bat the pail into orbit. "Home run!!!" Ranko pulled her dress back on and then joined Ranma. "Nice hit!" "Thanks. That was kind of fun, but I think we need to find a permanent way to get rid of him," Ranma asserted. "Agreed, he's worn out what little patience I used to have for the little freak." Ranma nodded his head. "Let's get back to the restaurant. We'll deal with him again soon enough. By the way, nice form in the bathhouse." "Pervert." -C- -M- -D- The restaurant was closed. Nabiki was sitting in the remains of the kitchen. "At least I have insurance against random martial artist attacks," she commented to the dust. She drew little ducks and yen signs in the dust. Standing in the doorway, Ranko and Ranma looked sadly at Nabiki. "Um... sorry about that, Nabiki," Ranma said. "Yeah, but if we didn't blast him then, he might have blown the building up," Ranko tried to explain her motives. "Akane explained what happened. Guess I should have known better that to hire you guys," Nabiki remarked. "Sorry again." "That's okay. You're both fired by the way," Nabiki calmly said. "Yes, we know," Ranko said. Ranma nodded. They both left the kitchen. Nabiki pulled out her recorder and spoke into it. "Number one rule: Never... ever... hire Ranma or Ranko for any job... ever." *********************************************************************** >From the personal journal of James Davidson: "Interesting opening night," I commented as Hanaki finished her description. "Yes, Nirumi loves to talk about that night. Nabiki repaired the damage and did pretty well after getting non-Ranma help," Hanaki said, smiling. "Nirumi?" "Oh, she's Nabiki's granddaughter. She's running the restaurant chain these days. Nabiki's daughter runs Tendo Enterprises, of course." "Yes, I keep meaning to interview Nijiko about her mother. Well... enough business. Want to go swimming?" I asked, shutting off my palmcard. "I thought you'd never ask. Tie me up please?" Hanaki asked. Motioning to her bikini straps. I managed to tie the strings together, but only after tying them around my fingers on the first try. When she was all set, we ran into the ocean. I noticed that several guys on the beach looked at Hanaki as we passed. I guess I can't blame them; I used to girl-watch at the beach when I was younger and her beauty even stuns me sometimes. [End - Chapter 6] Coming soon: Chapter 7: The Cure is Worse than the Curse ======================================================================= The real author's (Jim Lazar) notes/ramblings: A short chapter, but it sets the stage for the two Ranmas' quest to find a way to recombine in the next one. Things really start to heat up from here. Mon Canard means 'My Duck'. I hope you understand why Nabiki wouldn't have any duck dishes. My thanks to David Johnson for helping me with the French name for the restaurant. Soup de Perverti means Soup of Pervert. I could have used potage de perverti, but that would have been harder for the readers to catch the meaning of the phrase. Don't worry, I haven't just forgotten about Ryoga's budding love for Ukyo. It's not my fault he got lost at a critical moment (well, technically it is my fault since I wrote it like that, but it's still in character). I'd like to thank various FFML members and my pre-readers: Lonewolf, David Johnson, Anthony Pardilla, Miko, Bob Barns, and Ryan Erik. Of course in the end, any mistakes and botched characters are my fault. Revision 0.0 - Rough draft (ch 6 & 7 as one chapter) (June 12, 1998) Revision 0.3 - Heavily revised (August 15, 1998) Revision 0.4 - Pre-reader draft (September 10, 1998) Revision 0.5 - FFML draft (September 21, 1998) Revision 1.0 - First RAAC posting (October 6, 1998)