[EVA][Fanfic][Lime] The End of the Garden of EVA (really) ======================================================================= The End of the Garden of EVA (really) Neon Genesis Evangelion characters and situations created and Copyright by Gainax, Project Eva, ADV Films - Used without permission Garden of EVA series created, written, and copyright 1998-2001 by Jim Lazar A series set within episode 26 of Neon Genesis Evangelion that will blow your mind. "Speech text in double quotes is spoken as Japanese." E-mail comments and/or criticisms to: jim [at] animeprime.com Previous parts and my other fanfiction can be found at: http://www.animeprime.com/ff/geva ======================================================================= Um... well... nothing to warn you about here. This part is rated G for Goodness. And if you believe that, I have a bridge in Brooklyn to sell you. ======================================================================= At the insistence of Ritsuko, Shinji and Rei's wedding was postponed until the father of Misato's baby could be determined from among the many possible candidates. That made Shinji and Rei very anxious and horny by the time Misato went into labor. "Push, god dammit!!" Shinji flinched away from Rei's angry outburst. Did I mention that they were horny, especially Rei? Misato pushed, blood splashing everywhere in the small taxi. "I wish Kaji was here." "He's in the cab right behind us, but there's no room in here since we have to be ready to administer this home paternity test," Shinji explained holding up a strange multi-facetted instrument that looked more like a torture device than a medical test. "Grrrrrr..." The cab driver lifted his head from between Misato's legs. "Damn, this woman is built real well down here!" He noticed her swollen breasts under her thin blouse. "Up there too." "Shut up and pull that baby out, mister!" Rei snapped from where she sat behind the wheel. She yanked the wheel to the left to avoid the leg of a large purple robot that was in the middle of the street. Peering out the window, she giggled. "That damn tournament is back in town again." "Grrrrrr..." "I see a..." the cab driver went silent and looked closer at Misato's gateway to heaven. At least that's what every man who's ever made it through that gateway had called it. It's not a particularly exclusive club. "A what!?" Misato bellowed. Sorry, I didn't mean it. "Not that, what do you see between my legs?!" Misato replied glaring briefly at the author and then looked at the first man to ever get between her legs without scoring. She glared at the author again. Sorry. "It's a... tentacle," the cab driver explained, cringing backwards in fright. "That's the umbilical cord, you dolt!!" Misato snapped and then every muscle in her body contracted at once. "Grrrrr..." A sound resonated within the cab. You know that sound that a cork makes when a champagne bottle is opened? This sound was nothing like that. You know the sound of a fat man breaking wind after eating a large Mexican meal? Closer, but still not the right sound to describe the one still resonating within the cab. You know the sound of a train breaking through a million pounds of Jello-brand (tm) gelatin and splattering a cab and three people with a gooey mess? Me either, but that's exactly what it sounded like when Misato's child arrived in world six-six-six. Ignoring the blood all around her, Misato reached for her child and took it from the blood-covered cab driver. Not just his hands and arms, but his whole body was covered in blood. Hey, what's a Garden of Eva birth without an obscene amount of blood? Good taste. Who asked you? Sorry. "Use the test!" Rei shouted. "He's so beautiful," Misato said right before Shinji shoved the paternity test instrument up the baby's backside. The baby cried a bit, but babies tend to do that anyway even when they don't have a cold piece of surgical metal shoved up their anus three seconds after they were born. At least that was Shinji's reasoning as he tried to block out the cries of the baby. The timer beeped and he withdrew the test instrument. Digging into his pocket, he pulled out the three test wands they had already used to test Kaji, Kensuke, and himself with. "He looks just like..." Shinji's eyes widened suddenly as he looked between the wands in his hand and the wand in the test instrument. "Oh, shit!!" -E- -V- -A- "Go..." Yui began to curse, then stopped and looked at his Godliness, Penpen. "That's not fair." God sighed, his small lips under his huge honker flapping slightly. "Life seldom is. I'm sure Shinji has it within him to survive whatever that world throws at him." "But Rei..." "You have a soft spot for her, don't you?" God asked, patting his daughter's hand with his right flipper. Yui nodded. "She reminds me so much of myself when I was that age." "Really?" "Well, I wasn't one of a series of clones, or forced to fight heavenly creatures, or was merged with an alternate version of myself that was part of a imaginary world created by my son or anything... but I was drop dead gorgeous like Rei is." God slipped off his throne made of light and floundered on top of the cloud they were drifting around on. Yui smirked. "Got you, Pop!" God sighed. "And here I always thought my first son was the comedian in this family. That endless supply of bread and fish trick always made me laugh." He paused. "Of course, if those people he pulled the trick on knew what they were actually eating, they'd have put him up on the cross instead of the Romans." -E- -V- -A- "He looks just like..." Later in a hospital room, Misato looked up from her newborn son and nodded. "Yes, he does." "So he's not..." "Yes." "How do you think Shinji's taking it?" "After their initial shock and swearing up a storm of filthy gibberish, Shinji and Rei didn't say much of anything," Misato said, fingering the black hairs on her new son. "But I could see on their face that they were devastated that Shinji's the father of my child." Kaji wrung his hands in front of him. "I'm sorry my sperm didn't win the race." Misato sighed. "Well, it wasn't really a race... just bad timing." "But Kensuke too?" "I was drunk." "That's your excuse for everything! Having sex with other men because you're too drunk, not having sex with me because you feel sick from drinking so much, selling my Jaguar because you needed beer money, not wanting to meet my mother because you wanted to get drunk, meeting my mother for dinner and getting drunk because she called you a lush since you had a keg delivered to the table, not..." "I get the idea!!" Misato snapped, causing her newborn child to start to cry. "Oh... shhhh.... um... shhhh.... please don't cry." She tried to comfort her baby, then looked around. "I need a beer." Kaji sighed. "You're going to have to give up drinking if I'm going to marry you." Misato's jaw dropped open, which allowed the baby to grab her tongue and pull. Hard. "Hunnnnnpphhtttt?" "Well, we are engaged, aren't we?" Misato pried her son's little fingers off her tongue. "But... but I had another man's child." As her baby started to cry, she exposed her swollen breasts for the readers... err... for the baby to nurse. Kaji thought as the baby started to suckle on Misato's teat. He looked up at Misato's face. "Yeah, but I still love you." "But..." "I don't care if you've had problems staying out of other men's beds in the past." "But..." "Or out of cheap hotels with other men." "But..." "Or out of dark alleys with other men." "But..." "Or out of..." "Shut up about me fucking anything with a penis already!!" Misato snapped. Kaji cringed backwards. "Sorry." As her baby started to cry again, Misato frowned. "No... it's my fault." She comforted her baby. "Shhhh.... it's okay. Mommy won't sleep around or get plastered anymore." "Or both." Misato grinned. "Or both." As the baby quieted down again, she looked up at Kaji. "You'd still want me and another man's child?" To answer her question, Kaji knelt down by her bedside and took Misato's hand. "Misato, will you marry me?" Before Misato could answer, the door burst open. "Misato, will you marry me?" Kaji and Misato both looked over and saw Shinji standing in the doorway. He was panting and sweating like he had just ran up ten flights of stairs. "What?" Kaji asked. Shinji finally noticed Kaji was there, mostly since Misato's breasts were still exposed and had attracted Shinji's attention immediately. "I'm sorry, Kaji, but I can't let the mother of my child carry the burden of raising our child alone," he said without taking his eyes from Misato's breasts. "What am I, chopped liver?" Kaji asked. "It's my responsibility to marry Misato so we can raise our child in a traditional family unit." "That's not how you established the Garden of Eva." Shinji spun around at the familiar voice. "Rei!" Rei did not look happy as she stood in the doorway with her arms crossed and a frown on her face. "I thought you'd come here eventually when you ran away from me." She noticed how tired he looked. "You should have used the elevator." "I'm sorry, but I have to be a man and take responsibility for my actions." Shinji paused and considered something. "Well... at least the actions of half of me." Kaji shook his head. "I know our penises sometimes have a mind of their own, Shinji, but you can't consider it a separate entity." Shinji opened his mouth to explain that he meant that it was only half of him that actually impregnated Misato before being then merged together with his other half in a sickening operation with way more blood than could possibly of come from two teenage boys' bodies, when he thought better of it. "Ummm.. yeah." He looked at Misato. "Anyway, I don't love you, but you're a hot chick and the mother of my child, so we'd best get married and live in a loveless marriage so that our child can have both biological parents to rebel against and end up running away with some slut he knocked up in a back alley somewhere." The room was deathly silent for several heartbeats until Misato spoke. "I see you've given our lives together some thought." Shinji looked away to hide the embarrassment on his face. "A little." Misato patted the bed next to her. "Come here, Shinji." When Shinji took a step forward, Rei jumped forward and grabbed his hand to stop him. "No, I won't let him go after all we've been through to get to this world together!" Shinji turned to face Rei. "I'm sorry, Rei, but I have to take responsibility for this world I made." A tear slipped down Rei's already tear-stained face. "But..." "I love you, Rei, and will always love you, but to run away from this would make me just like my father who ran away from his responsibility to me." Shinji suddenly recalled that his other half was abandoned as well. "And just like those bastards who put me in that sewage filled river in Hokkaido and ran away from their responsibility to their son." "But I want to be with you forever... like you promised me before this tramp interrupted our wedding." "Who the hell are you calling a tramp, you tramp!!" "If you weren't holding that baby, I'd..." was all Rei had time to say before Misato handed her baby to Kaji. Can you say catfight? Catfight. Good, but that's not what happened. Shinji got between both women he'd had sex with and held his hands out to keep them from fighting. In the process he grabbed both of their chests. "Gack!!" he blurted and pulled his hands away fast. Too fast. In addition to ripping to top of Misato's hospital gown off, he also had a handful of Rei's blouse. And of course, Rei hadn't put on a bra that morning because Ritsuko and Maya were having sex on top of the washer and dryer the day before so Rei couldn't do the laundry. Can you say topless catfight? Topless catfight. Four breasts bounced and shimmied as the two women fought over Shinji's love. Or at least over his penis. Kaji stepped out of the way of the bouncing breasts and held the newborn baby protectively in his arms. "Don't fight over me!!" Shinji yelled as he tried to break up the fight. "Grrrr... I'm not fighting for you, you little boy, I'm just defending my good reputation!!" Misato insisted. Rei rammed her firm, teenage breasts against Misato's milk filled jugs, producing a bouncy and cheerful tune. "You have no good reputation to defend!" "Oh yeah..." Misato agreed, then missed seeing Rei land on her face. "Mmmmphfffftt..." Rei pressed her legs together and smothered Misato with her crotch. Misato bit into that which was smothering her. Naturally, Rei didn't like that and screamed out in pain. Releasing her leg's hold on Misato's head, she sprang back, pulling off Misato's hospital gown completely in the process. "Bitch!" Misato said after spitting the remains of Rei's short pants out. Rei apparently didn't have any clean panties to put on that morning either. Can you say naked catfight?" Naked catfight. Boobs and pussies flashed everywhere as Kaji and Shinji watched the action. Two somethings suddenly came up. "We could share..." Shinji looked cross at Kaji. "Shut up!! Rei's mine!!" Hearing this, Rei looked at Shinji and missed seeing a left jab from Misato. "Ooof..." "You can't have them both!" "I don't want Misato, I just have to take responsibility for my actions! Even if they were only half of me who knocked her up!" Kaji shook his head. "You really have to stop thinking of your penis as a separate entity." "You're one to talk... you had your penis registered to vote!" Kaji gulped. "Well, that was just when I was running for Mayor of Tokyo-3... every little bit helps." "How little is it, Misato?" Rei asked, pausing her attempt to rub Misato's pussy raw with her own. Hey, it's a very popular move in women's wrestling. Popular with the male and the lesbian viewers, of course. Ironically, Ritsuko and Maya were in the exact same position at that exact same moment back at their house, but had a rubber 'appliance' holding them together as they rocked back and forth, rubbing their... But I digress. Misato wiped the sweat from her forehead and looked at Kaji. "It's not the size that counts, it's what you do with it." Rei tilted her head to the side. "That small, huh?" Misato nodded. Rei slipped her pussy away from Misato's, making a sound like a champagne cork popping. She wiped Misato's juices from her thighs and looked at Shinji. "Better forget it, Shinji." "Huh?" "Any woman who's willing to give you up for a man with a small dick is really in love with that pencildick." Kaji suddenly covered his crotch with the baby. When the baby's diaper fell off, Kaji moved the baby to the side. Why? Compared the baby's little tinkler, Kaji's was enormous. Shinji looked at the baby. "But... I can't abandon my child like I was." A heartbeat passed, before Shinji added, "Twice." "Shinji...." Misato said softly. "You don't have to marry me to be part of your son's life." "I don't?" Misato shook her head. "I won't marry you, but I want to give you every chance to spend time with OUR child." "Well..." "Kaji's place is big enough for the five of us, so..." "Live together again?" Shinji asked, forgetting which world he was in. Misato frowned. "Again?" "Um... well... I mean... do you mean some kind of four-way marriage?" Misato chuckled. "No. We'd each marry the person we truly love and just bring up our son together." "No sex with Rei then?" Misato glared at Kaji, while Rei kicked him in his balls and took the baby out of his hands before he crumpled to the ground. Misato smiled at Rei. "Thanks. So what do you think?" "If I can be with Shinji, I'll be happy." Rei looked down at the baby. "I don't mind helping to raise this little bastard, either." Misato didn't like her son being called a bastard, but she knew it was technically the truth. "Anyway... Shinji, what do you say?" "Well, I love Rei with all my heart, so if I can be with her AND take responsibility for my child... I agree." Misato smiled and looked at Kaji, who was hunched over on the floor. "Kaji?" "Ooo-kay..." Kaji squeaked. Rei stepped forward and held out the baby. "Do you want to hold your son?" Shinji gulped loudly and held his shaking arms out to take the baby. "Support his head," Rei instructed as Shinji took the offered baby. Misato looked on worriedly as Shinji took her newborn child into his arms. She smiled when she saw his expression change. She couldn't have seen her own expression when she first held her son, but she new without a doubt it was the same as the blissful and loving look that crossed Shinji's face at that moment. It was only the look that a parent could give at seeing their newborn child for the first time. That expression changed as a pungent odor filled the room. "Ewwwww..." Shinji said, holding the stinky baby away from him. Considering the baby's diaper had fallen off earlier, you can imagine the shit Shinji found himself in. Welcome to fatherhood, Shinji Ikari. "Let's call him..." -E- -V- -A- "We are gathered here today to join this man and this woman in holy matrimony." Misato smiled and tightened her grip on Kaji's hand. "We are also gathered here today to join to other man and this other woman in holy matrimony." To the left of Kaji and Misato, Shinji held tightly onto Rei's hand. He knew without a doubt that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with Rei, and her with him. Likewise, Rei knew that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with Shinji, and he with her. Just to be sure, she had handcuffed them together. Other precautions included a metal detector and strip search at the entrance to the church for all invited guests. Unfortunately, the readers got here too late and missed all the naked flesh, bouncing breasts, and male and female naughty bits flailing around. That'll teach you to stop for popcorn and soda. "Both couples have asked me to make it perfectly clear that there will be no swapping of husbands or wives between the two couples and that they are only living in the same house so that they can raise the bastard child of this bride-" The minister point at Misato. "-and this groom." He pointed at Shinji. The bastard child in question chose that moment to spit up on Hikari's dress. "Oh my..." She started having second thoughts about taking care of the baby when the couples went on their separate honeymoons Where, you ask? Kaji and Misato were going to spend a romantic week in Hawaii. And Shinji and Rei? What kind of honeymoon would suit two sixteen year olds who were born of two worlds--one real and one fake--and who went through hell, the theater, and back again? The answer will sicken you. -E- -V- -A- The purple Unit One tore the vagina and uterus off the female Angel. Drooling from its armored mouth, Unit One slobbered onto the female reproductive organ and stuck his tongue between the... "We really need to find someplace to have sex if you're that bad off, Shinji!" Hearing Rei's voice over his entry plug's intercom, Shinji gasped and looked down at the pulsing vagina in his Eva's hands. He almost looked surprised at seeing it there. "Oops... sorry. I guess I'm a little frustrated that we couldn't afford to go somewhere other than the Eva center for our honeymoon." Rei giggled as her Unit Zero dueled with an acid-dripping Angel. "Well, when my friend's shift starts we can use the same entry plug." Shinji giggled like a little schoolgirl, making Rei wonder if she'd just married the wrong man. Of if he was a man for that matter. "I'll enter you with my plug, alright." Rei's doubts vanished. "Promise... promises." "I just wish that they didn't disable the sex cheat," Shinji said as he fired round after round into a diamond-shaped Angel. he thought as he jumped out of the range of the Angel's deadly beam. Rei giggled again. "Is it me, or are you the hornier one since we merged from our prior four separate selves?" Shinji blushed as he managed to blow a chunk of the Angel's thick armor off. "You were driving that taxi pretty wildly for someone who's not horny." Rei smirked, thankful that Shinji couldn't see her. "Well, piloting a Eva is almost the same as sex." A wave of pleasure rippled through her as she thrust her sword into the Angel she was fighting, disemboweling it. As he finished off his current opponent, a thought struck Shinji. "Maybe that's why Asuka always seemed to get off on fighting." Rei laughed suddenly, causing her to cough and cover her controls with spit. "Damn, that would explain a lot about her." She jumped into the air and landed by Unit One. "Well, let's finish off these Angels and go see if we can find some out of the way corner to fuck in, okay?" After the months they had spent waiting ever since they arrived in this world, Shinji wasn't about to argue. There aren't many sixteen-year-old boys who would. Together, Units One and Zero leapt into the air and used two long sharpened poles to cleave a familiar Angel in half. Almost immediately, the two halves formed into separate Angels and began to attack Shinji and Rei with a vengeance. After all, they had just been locked together having intercourse, so they were naturally pissed by being separated. The fact that the male Angel's severed penis was still embedded in the female Angel's vagina, made the male Angel's rage all that more understandable. "Damn, maybe we should have kept them together," Shinji commented as he deflected his opponent's savage blows with his pole. Inside her entry plug, Rei smiled. "Well, why should they get any if we can't?" Shinji chuckled. "Good point. Let's take care of these two and then find someplace that we can continue what they were doing ourselves." Rei's Unit Zero nodded and jumped back to back with Shinji' Unit One. "Do it to the theme to Shaft!!" In time with the music to the song 'Shaft', the two Evas leapt into the air and descended on their victims. Gyrating and humping each other and then the Angels, the newlyweds sent the Angels to afterlife in the best possible way. Death by orgasm. If your first time doesn't kill you; try, try again. -E- -V- -A- Time passed. Ritsuko still despised Shinji and took every opportunity to remind him of this fact. Fortunately she was too busy to castrate him--verbally and/or physically--thanks to the new penises that she and Maya had attached to their bodies using the latest medical techniques. Somehow, Ritsuko found it harder to hold Shinji's penis against him once she had gotten one of her own. Things look differently then the penis is on the other crotch, apparently. It was even possible for them to impregnate each other, but they decided to get vasectomies in order to avoid having any dumb-ass kids like Shinji. It didn't help Shinji's relationship with his mother-in-law that she kept calling him her 'dumb-ass son-in-law'. Gendou and Yui lived happily ever after, despite Gendou's inability to get his penis into his wife's vagina ever since he lost his eye and, in turn, his depth perception. Not that he had the greatest record before, mind you. Kaji and Misato had some kids of their own until he got a vasectomy after their second child, but somehow Misato got pregnant again. They HOPE it was a botched vasectomy and not the new handyman or that night she fell off the wagon and into Shinji's bed. Hey, it was dark and it sure felt like Kaji's penis. That's Misato's usual refrain, anyway. To both incidents. When Kensuke and Hikari both reached the age of twenty-one, they... Not more penis talk, please. Um... of course not. Anyway, before their honeymoon where Kensuke inserted his... well... before that, they had their wedding. -E- -V- -A- "We are gathered here today, to join this man-" The minister indicated Kensuke, who was looking very nervous in his neon-green tuxedo. Don't' ask, it was in fashion at the time. "-and this woman-" He indicated Hikari, who was in a beautiful white flowing dress. Yes, the fashion at the time was for the bride to look gorgeous and the groom to look like a complete and utter git. "-in holy matrimony." Hikari smiled at her future husband, causing Kensuke's knees to give out. Fortunately, the best man--Shinji--was already supporting him because of the first dozen times Kensuke's knees had given out since the wedding began. "Marriage is..." The sudden wailing of a baby interrupted the minister. Everyone looked at Misato, who was seated near the back. Misato's two oldest sat quietly between her and Kaji, while her youngest was nuzzled up against her chest, snoring softly. Her round belly held her yet to be born forth child. Like her three siblings who had already been born, the future Playboy centerfold was not the source of the crying. The baby held by the Maid of Honor was. "Shhh..." Rei said as she bounced the baby in her arms, hoping he wouldn't spit up on her beautiful green bridesmaid dress. "Shhh...." She looked at Hikari. "I'm really sorry, he's a bit cranky today." Hikari smiled pleasantly. "That's okay." Shinji stepped over and took his son into his arms and patted his back. "There... there..." The baby started to calm down. "That's my boy." "Little Kaworu really loves his daddy, doesn't he?" Hikari commented. Rei nodded. "Yes, he does." Shinji looked at the minister and whispered, "Sorry." The minister continued. "Marriage is..." -E- -V- -A- As Hikari and Kensuke raced down the aisle, they were pelted with beans. Don't ask about the beans, they were out of rice at the fanfiction supply shop. Behind the bean-pelted newlyweds, the maid of honor and the best man walked slowly down the aisle with their infant son. They looked every bit the picture of a happy family. And then the church's roof collapsed and killed them all. Just kidding. From the pews, the green eyes of a redhead followed the couple. Visions of what could have been drifting through her thoughts. "They look happy together, don't they?" Asuka looked for the source of the voice and saw Misato standing by her side. "Yeah, I guess they do. You look happy too." Misato smiled and put her hand on her round stomach. "I am... but I think four will be enough for me." Asuka glanced to the side and saw Kaji taking care of three kids, two of his own plus Shinji and Misato's child. Or trying to take care of them as his current job as a trampoline substitute proved. "At least spread them out a bit..." Misato chuckled. "Maybe in another world." Asuka flinched. "Huh?" "Do you think Shinji knows that we remember the theater and the world before it?" Asuka's jaw dropped open and she slowly turned her head to look Misato in the eyes. "You... you too?" Misato nodded. "Why do you think I invited him to live with Kaji and me? I know the pain he's been through and wanted to help him cope with being the father of our child." "Why didn't you just marry him?" Misato shook her head. "Then neither of us would be happy, and I doubt our child would grow up happy with unhappy parents." She looked over to see her oldest child running around with his half brothers. "Together, the four of us and our children are a happy family. Separate, we're a mess." Asuka thought about this for a moment before wryly commenting, "Shinji's still a mess, if you ask me." She nodded towards Shinji and Rei, the later of which was giving Shinji a blowjob. Well, that's what it would look like from the reader's angle, but from Asuka and Misato's position you could see the large stain on Shinji's crotch that Rei was cleaning up. And before anyone gets any dirty thoughts, little Kaworu peed on his father's pants through a leaky diaper. "Life is a mess you have to learn to clean up as you go." Misato looked at Asuka with a serious look. "You should have learned that in our original world." Asuka sighed. "Maybe... but this world is less messy." Misato laughed softly. "You always said it sucked or blew chunks when we were in the theater." "It bites too..." Asuka sighed heavily. "But you get used to it after a while." "True. Those memories from our original world and the theater are a part of us, but this is our world now. Even if it sometimes bites the big one." Asuka looked at Misato. "How did you know I had those memories, anyway?" "I could see it in your eyes just now. The Asuka of this world wouldn't feel as deeply about him as you both would." Asuka sighed and looked back at Shinji and Rei, who were talking with their parents at the church's doorway. "You think we should tell them?" Misato smiled. "You already know the answer or you'd have said something in the past six years." "Yes... it's better for them if they aren't reminded of our old lives." Misato smiled and put her arm around the younger girl. "Are you happy here?" Asuka pondered that question for a few moments before answering. "I really don't know." "Yeah, me too. Maybe life is never knowing for sure if you are happy or sad. It's just living." "Fuck that! I want to be happy!!" Asuka blurted. Misato noticed the wicked grin on the redhead's face. "Don't we all... don't we all." She looked over at her husband and kids. As her three oldest climbed all over Kaji she felt a warmness engulf her. "Maybe five..." "Huh?" Misato looked back at Asuka. "Just wondering what my future will hold." "Well, the future is what you make of it." "And what will you make of it?" Asuka laughed. "Time will tell, but I'll be happy." A loud slap echoed across the church. Asuka followed the sound to its source, which was the hand of one of the choirgirls against Touji's cheek. "If I could get rid of that moron, that is." "He's still chasing other girls, huh?" "Yeah... but I'm just dating him until Mr. Right comes along, so who cares?" "Right..." Asuka didn't like the way Misato said that. "I don't like the way you said that." "Sorry..." "Honestly, it's nothing serious." Asuka fidgeted with the bouquet of flowers that she had caught earlier. Right... even the author doesn't believe that. Mostly because he knows what the next scene is. -E- -V- -A- Two years later, Touji leaned forward and kissed his bride. The assembled friends and family cheered and clapped and cried. The crying was mostly from a group of girls devastated by Touji getting married. Apparently Touji actually DID have girls who liked him after all, but only the shy type that never approached him so he never knew he was the babe magnet he always claimed to be. Those admirers included the nameless girl--who turned out to be bisexual--from the back of the classroom, who will still remain nameless. The rest of the crying was from Misato and her almost two-year-old baby girl--yes, by Kaji, they triple checked it--Kensuke and Hikari's three-month-old daughter, and Shinji and Rei's one-month-old daughter. As the assorted mothers tried to calm their crying babies, Touji and Asuka ran down the aisle being pelted with dead fish. The supply store was out of beans as well as rice this time. Shinji held Kaworu in one arm and put the other around Rei, who had quieted down little Lilith. "I hope they'll be happy together." Rei smiled and looked up at her husband. "I'm sure they will be, the future is bright for all of us in this world you made." Shinji shook his head. "I didn't make it." Rei frowned. "Huh... my memories may be a bit jumbled due to all the people I've been, but I know at least half of you made world six-six-six." Shinji shook his head again. "I only made the foundation; the rest was made by everyone else." Rei still looked a bit confused. "No one man can create a world alone, or it would forever be stagnant and unchanging beyond his single view of that world." Shinji squeezed her shoulder. "A world is only a world if it has the views of everyone living within it to shape it." Rei smiled and snuggled against Shinji's chest. "You're just saying that because you don't want to take credit for Nevada being renamed to 'Elvisland'." Shinji shuddered. "Well, how was I supposed to know willing Elvis to be alive in this world so we could hear him sing in person would have such drastic effects on the world." "I think President Elvis Presley Jr. is doing a good job dealing with the Middle East peace crisis." "Yeah... but why does he have to gyrate during his speeches?" Rei laughed. "Genetics." Shinji leaned over and kissed his wife, knowing without a doubt that he was happy. Then little Kaworu pooped in his pants. "Dada... I poo... poo." Shinji sighed and looked at his son. "Again?" Well, every world has it's shitty jobs, fatherhood most of all. And Shinji wouldn't trade it for any other world in the universes. He would know. He tried... and failed most of the time... to build a more perfect world, after all. But in the end he found happiness in an imperfect world with imperfect people. That's life, after all. -E- -V- -A- Sometime later in another world up God's other nostril, another Shinji lay on the grass with another Rei. They looked up at the stars and the black moon that hung above them. "I'm sad, but I'm happy... is that wrong?" he asked, looking over at one of his life-long partners. The lines on his face and his white hair made him look every bit of the fifty-two suns he had counted passing during his time in the Garden. Rei sighed, her own blue hair having been replaced with white some suns ago. Her face still looked beautiful, wrinkles and all. "I miss her." "Many of the children we grew up with are leaving us the same way lately." "Yes... and I can't figure out why." "No one can... but when the light leaves them, they are gone to us." Rei reached over on touched Shinji's chest, reassured by the rising and falling of his chest. "Why can't any of the others see the lights?" Shinji shook his head. "I don't know." Rei's eyes widened and she followed another ball of light as it descended from the black moon. "There's another one..." Shinji nodded. "Another child will be among us soon." "The light brings new children, but it takes the older children," Rei said casually, not realizing she had stumbled onto the nature of life in the Garden of Eva. A short while later, a voice interrupted their contemplation of life, the universe, and everything. "Children, a third child is born." Shinji and Rei looked down from the heavens and saw one of their grandsons holding a newborn baby, their great-grandchild. Or as they would put it, one of their Second Children holding a Third Children. Shinji smiled as he helped Rei sit up, both of their old bones creaking on the otherwise quiet night. The Second Child put the newborn Third into Rei's arms. "It's a masculine turd." Rei smiled and cradled the baby in her arms, memories of her own turds dancing in her head. "He's beautiful." She looked at Shinji and smiled. "I think we should be happy, because even as the original children leave us, we leave behind our own children to bring more children into this garden." Shinji had no reason to argue, so he leaned over and gave Rei a long kiss. The Third Child stared to cry, causing Shinji and Rei to laugh. "Just like the First Children, always interrupting us," Shinji commented. Rei laughed and kissed her great-grandchild. "Yes, but I don't mind at all." Shinji and Rei looked up at the black moon again. "The Giver of Life has given us another child." "Knowing that our children will continue living in the garden after our lights leave us, makes me happy." Shinji nodded. "Who could be sad about that?" Rei didn't know of any reason. So when Shinji's light left him after a few more suns passed, she tried not to be sad. She didn't succeed. Sometimes you can't explain the loss of someone close to you in rational terms. Sometimes you can't look past the present feeling of loss and loneliness. Sometimes it's all right to be sad. That's what makes the happy moments all the happier. -E- -V- -A- Back up God's other nostril, a seventy-something Shinji and Rei looked up at their world's single white moon. "I'm sad," Shinji said softly. "She had a long life," Rei said softly, clasping her husband's hand tightly. "I know. Longer than she had in our original world, I guess." Shinji sighed. "I can barely remember that world these days. It seems so distant," Rei said staring into the vast night sky. "This is my world." "Really? I can still remember all of the worlds I made quite vividly." "I wonder if our other selves in the Garden are happy?" "Happy as us? No one could be as happy as we are," Shinji grinned and rolled over to give his wife a long kiss. "Break it up, you two." Breaking the kiss, Shinji and Rei looked over and saw their oldest son. At least Shinji's oldest son. But Rei had come to think of him as her own over the years. Even if she didn't give birth to him, she loved him as she did her own children. "How is your wife doing?" The tall man nodded slowly, his face showing his fifty-some years clearly. "As well as can be expected. She loved her mother a lot, even if the two of them had the worse fights sometimes." "You know what they say about redheads..." Rei remarked. "Yeah, that's why I married my darling Eve." "I was talking about their temper, young man," Rei scolded him, with a wink. She was young once too, you know. Not to mention horny as a hooker in a billionaire convention. "I know," he replied and looked up into the sky. "Do you think there's an afterlife?" "Of course, I'm living it now," Shinji replied without thinking. Some bad habits never die. "Huh?" Shinji opened his mouth to answer, but gasped instead when Rei poked him in the ribs with her elbow. "What your father means is that he hopes the afterlife is as wonderful as real life. Right, Honey?" Rei glared at Shinji. "Oh yeah..." "Darn, I hoped the afterlife was filled with naked girls." Shinji giggled. "That too." Rei jabbed Shinji again. Their son smiled for the first time since his mother-in-law passed away. "I hope Eve and I are still as much in love with each other and life when we're your age, Dad." "I'm sure you will be, Adam." Shinji looked up at the sky. Even if he had never spoken it out loud, Rei could tell from the look on her husband's face what he was worried about. It was her worse fear too. What parent didn't worry about their children's future? But very few parents had doubts the world might cease to exist after their deaths. There can be no worse fear than that of a parent who knows he created the world his family lived in and wasn't sure that world would exist for his family to live in after he passed on. Shinji had some unique worries, to say the least. -E- -V- -A- Returning once again to God's other nostril, untold millennia passed. Those millennia were filled with happy moments and sad moments. Such is the nature of life in any universe. A heavy boot pressed into the dark dust covering the Giver of Life. "That's one small step for a child, one giant leap for all children." The spacesuited figure looked around the barren surface of the black moon, a circular landing craft behind him. "It's so beautiful up here." He walked away from his lander, slowly scanning the landing site for sighs of trouble. "Everything looks okay here, no signs of unstable ground or danger." A voice crackled over his communications headgear. "Good to hear it, Ando. Pedo, begin your walk." Ando turned around and saw his companion coming out of the lander wearing another suit like his own. Their suits were not unlike those suits of the first men on the other moon that circled the green world below, but still different since it reflected the technology of an entirely different world with an entirely different history. After taking in the formerly unseen view of the surface, he looked up and gasped in astonishment. "Oh my children..." The other spacesuit figure paused, and looked up at the sky in concern. "It's beautiful," Pedo's unmistakably female voice replied. Ando nodded. "The Garden looks so small from here..." She lifted up a gloved hand and cupped the world in his hand. "I feel like I'm holding all the children in my hand at once." Above them, a green and blue world reflected the sun's light onto the black moon's surface like it had since the beginning of time. Which for the children of that world, meant since Third Impact. -E- -V- -A- Any explorer expects to see and discover new things, but no one can be prepared to find something so contrary to what they know to be true that they can fully comprehend it. During one of their exploratory moonwalks, Ando gasped and pointed behind Pedo. "Oh my children..." "What?" Pedo asked, looking up from the rock sample she was collecting. Ando just gestured behind her. Pedo turned and gasped when she saw the tall, black monolith towering over them. "Oh my children!!" "No... no... not that, to the right!" Pedo frowned and looked to the left. She gasped again. "Oh my children, it's full of stars!!" Ando shook his head. "No, that's the sky, dummy. Look down at the surface near the base of that hill." Pedo looked down and didn't gasp, since she was all gasped out. "What the Giver of Death is that?" Ando cringed. "Don't take the other satellite's name in vain." "Sorry..." Pedo looked closer at the object that had attracted their attention. It wasn't natural, that much they could tell even from a distance. It was a large piece of flat metal embedded in the side of the hill. Most amazingly, a leaf made of green corroded copper was emblazoned across the surface. Well, it was actually only half a leaf. Ando raised his arm and looked at one of the patches on the sleeve of his spacesuit. "It kind of reminds me of our world's symbol of life. Pedo looked at her own sleeve and nodded. The patch depicted a green fig leaf. "What do you think it means?" "I don't know, but we should take a closer look." Pedo nodded. "Well, after coming all this way, it'd be a shame to miss something interesting." Ando laughed and started to bound toward the metal structure, which was once an entrance to the NERV headquarters that had been located within the geofront. He had no way of knowing that, of course. "I wonder what this monolith is doing up here?" Pedo asked, as she bounded alongside Ando. Ando shrugged. "Who knows, they're quite the fad on the Garden these days, so maybe mission control sent one up as a joke." Pedo thought that was a good possibility, so she put thoughts of the monolith out of her mind. If either of them could read the non-existent--in their world at least--language of German, they'd have also wondered what the 'SEELE 01' scrawled across the surface meant. -E- -V- -A- Some time later, the two explorers pushed aside a large boulder wedged into the corridor they had just spent way to long crawling and digging through. The sight that greeted them as the boulder floated away was worth all the sweat and tears they had expended to get to that point. And worth the billions of woolons it had cost to get them to the Giver of Life in the first place. "Wow." "Wow." Within the vast underground sphere they found themselves in, spun millions of small globes of light. The lights traced intricate patterns that looked random, but at the same time seemed to form patterns that couldn't possibly be truly random. "Mission control, you won't believe what we see," Ando said, not believing what he was seeing either. Some things take more than seeing to believe and the Room of Gafs was one of those. And then things got even more remarkable. "I'm reading an atmosphere in here," Pedo said, checking an instrument on her arm. "That's impossible. Your gauge must... be..." his protests stopped as he checked his own gauge. "I don't believe this." Believe it. -E- -V- -A- After removing their helmets, the two of them continued their exploration of the hollow sphere without seeing anything but some indistinct ruins and the spinning lights. They were almost ready to call it a day when they spotted something. "What's that?" Pedo asked, her long blue hair floating in a wide arc behind her. "Oh my children..." Ando cussed, his short red hair bobbing up and down in the zero gravity. Using their suit's thrusters, they maneuvered forward. The lights on their suits flickered across the surface of the unusual formation they had seen from a distance. As they neared, it became obvious that the formation was a statue of a boy and a girl locked in a passionate kiss. A tall stack of thin, stone sheets floated nearby. It was about five times as tall as the statues. "This is remarkable," Ando said as he examined the statues. "Yes..." Pedo muttered as she slid some of the stone sheets sideways and saw the rough drawings on them. "Wow... it's..." She looked at several more of the sheets. "It's like a story or something." Ando looked over. "What's it about?" "I'm not sure." Several hours passed as they examined the sheets. "Amazing... it's the story of a family... several families." She looked at the thousands of sheets that she hadn't looked at yet. "There must be at least a hundred generations represented here." Ando nodded. "Yeah... and it all started with these two." He pointed at the stone figures. "Call me crazy, but..." Pedo started to say but trailed off. "But?" Ando prodded. "It's nothing." Ando looked between the statues and her partner. "What?" "Well..." Pedo touched the face of the male statue. "Is it just me or do they remind you of the Children of Eva?" Ando almost choked on his tongue she laughed so suddenly. "Come on... that's nothing but a fairytale children tell their turds before sleeptime." Pedo moved her hand to the female statue. "Yeah... but they are just like the old paintings and drawings that show the Children of Eva." Ando laughed again. "Come on. We're the Nine-hundredth and seventy-second Children, how can you believe all that crap about the Children of Eva and the First Children?" Pedo smiled smugly. "Well, they did have to start counting with someone, why not them?" She nodded towards the statues of the Children of Eva. Or as they were known in previous lives and in other worlds, Shinji and Rei. [End of The End of Garden of Eva (really)] (please read through the author's notes for a bonus!) ======================================================================= Author's notes/ramblings: Yup, that is truly and absolutely the end of Garden of Eva. Really. I mean it. This time, I REALLY, REALLY mean it. I know I've said that before, but I swear that there are no more Garden of Eva stories to be told. It's finished. Forever. And ever. Until the next Impact, of course... -E- -V- -A- It was a little over 3 years ago that I picked up the last Neon Genesis Evangelion tape at Anime Expo 1998 and watched it. And rewatched it. And again for a third time to try to make some semblance of sense out of it. When I couldn't do that, I wrote my own really short story based on the five minute 'perfect world' shown in episode 26 and sent a draft to the FMML. When that wasn't enough to tame the story building within me, Garden of Eva was born. And three years later that story has come to an end. It has grown and expanded over the years, but the core of my idea when I first decided to make my really short story "Reality Bites" into a series was still there and emerged when the blood, guts, and semen settled: No fourteen-year-old boy could possibly know enough about life to make a truly perfect world. In fact, no one does. "Perfect" is an impossible ideal to obtain. As proven by this imperfect fanfiction story. It just plain bites, sucks, and blows; after all. -E- -V- -A- The "Garden of EVA" solution for the real Earth was my original intention from the start. Hence the name. That the 'real' Shinji wouldn't choose to live in it was as well. Some of the other twists and turns materialized as I wrote. I could write another novel just explaining my (demented) thought processes as I wrote the three books that make up the Garden of Eva saga. But I won't. Even my discarded ideas could probably have filled a novel, but three books are enough for this universe. Um... universes. I hope you enjoyed the ride, as I have enjoyed writing it. Until the next Impact creates the next universe, goodbye. -E- -V- -A- Portions of this part were written in Switzerland, France, and over the Atlantic Ocean and Canada. I'd like to thank my pre-readers Michael A. Chase and Thomas C. Kinnen. Thank you all. Of course in the end, any mistakes and botched characters are my fault. Revision 0.0 - Initial draft began (June 20, 2001 while flying over Belgium) Revision 0.1 - Initial draft completed (July 15, 2001) Revision 0.3 - Pre-reader draft (July 16, 2001) Revision 0.5 - Second pre-reader draft (August 16, 2001) Revision 1.0 - Final version (August 30, 2001) -E- -V- -A- Super duper bonus: The following is the original version of Reality Bites (the basis for the Garden of Eva series) as sent to the FFML on July 11th, 1998, a day that people have cursed me for ever since. Don't mind the spelling, grammar, and other errors... this was a first draft written up in about an hour or so, after all. I almost finished Garden of Eva by/on the third anniversary of this short piece, but just had to make it perfect for all my readers. I hope you're all grateful for making me waste three years on this trash. ;-) I hope you enjoy this and the stories it spawned. Thank you. [EVA][Fanfic] Eva - Reality Bites A quick story about the last the episode of Evangelion. Let me know what you think. I might expand it a bit, but I wanted to get some feedback first. (see I can do something other than Ranma fanfics :) ======================================================================= Eva - Reality Bites Neon Genesis Evangelion characters and situations created and Copyright by Gainax, Project Eva, ADV Films - Used without permission Eva - Reality Bites story created, written, and Copyright 1998 by Jim Lazar ======================================================================= Spoiler warning: This story contains references to episode 26 of the original Neon Genesis Evangelion TV series. If you have not seen that episode, this story contains spoilers. Also, some understanding of that episode is useful to fully enjoy this story. This story has no connection with any of the Eva movies. ======================================================================= "Unit 01, Angel at 9 o'clock." "I've got it. Asuka, take the Angel on your right. I'll take this new one," Shinji called out. He quickly adjusted his Eva's controls and his Eva Unit 01 lumbered to engage the new threat. "Who put you in command!" an angry female voice replied over the intercom. Shinji sighed. It was like this every time they piloted the Evas. "Just do it, you're closer to that one!" Shinji yelled back. "Jerk," Asuka replied. Then her Eva Unit 02 launched a volley of high-powered bullets at her target. "You'd be better off using hand to hand with that Angel," a calm female voice informed Asuka. "When I want your advice, I'll ask for it!" Shinji was wrestling with an Angel which was twice the size of his Eva. He tried to get his progressive knife into the Angel's eye, but the eye kept moving around the body to avoid the knife. "Damn it!" Shinji cursed. An explosion rocked Shinji's entry plug. He turned his Eva's head to find the source. It was Unit 00. "Rei!" "I am undamaged," Rei replied. Shinji returned to trying to kill his Angel. He grinned as he finally found the eye with his blade. The Angel exploded and sent him flying backwards right into Eva Unit 02. "Get off of me, Shinji!" Asuka called. "I'm not doing this because I like you!" Shinji screamed back. He tried to move his Eva off Eva Unit 02, but the Angel Asuka was fighting had wrapped an elastic arm around both of them. "Hey look! Shinji and Asuka are doing it!" Touji called out. "Pervert! Just fight your own Angel and leave the lovebirds alone!" Hikari scolded Touji. "We are not! Our Eva's are just tangled up!" Asuka insisted. "Very well, I'll take care of this,' Rei said. Soon, Eva Unit 00 destroyed the Angel holding Units 01 and 02 in their doggy style position. As the Angel exploded, the three Eva units were blasted in all directions. Touji pivoted his Eva Unit 03 and used his Eva's flexible arms to strangle the glowing Angel in front of him. With a sickening sucking sound, the Angel's head popped off and a bloody mess fell to the ground. "Cool!" Touji exclaimed. "Oh, that's just sick," Hikari said, holding back her lunch. She then pivoted her Eva Unit 06 quickly to dodge the Angel who was rushing at her back. With a sweep of her long progressive sword, she cut the angel in half. She smirked. "Nice form, Hikari," Kensuke called out, just as he used his Eva Unit 05 to toss an Angel into a energy barrier that the ground forces had erected nearby. The Angel exploded with a chorus of song. "Hey! Quit hitting on my babe!" Touji snapped. "I'm not a babe! You Neanderthals!" Shinji had gotten his Eva Unit 01 back to it's feet and was scanning for an Angel to attack. He spotted one advancing on the group of Eva's from his left, he raced off towards it. "Die!" he screamed as he grabbed a huge rifle on the run. He swung the rifle up and blasted the Angel repeatedly. The Angel's advance was slowed by his shots, but not stopped. Suddenly, Eva Unit 00 was in front of Shinji. It appeared to be grinning, but that couldn't be. Shinji was very surprised when Unit 00 thrust it's progressive knife at his Eva's head. The knife was embedded deeply in Eva Unit 00's head and Shinji's controls went dead. "Damn it! Why did you do that, Rei?!" Shinji shouted, but got no response since his systems were all dead. Finally, his entry plug opened up and he crawled out. Rei was standing over him in her school uniform. Rei grinned and put her hand son her hips. She said, "That's for looking at my panties this morning!" "That was an accident!" Shinji insisted. "Yeah, right. Hikari filled me in on you and the Idiot Trio," Rei said. "Fine then. If all it cost me was losing a dumb VR game, then it was worth it for a peek at your panties!" Shinji snapped back at Rei. "That's the last time you're ever see them! Pervert!" Rei informed Shinji and stormed out of the game area. Shinji watched her leave, then was joined by Touji and Kensuke. "Oh yeah...she has the love jones for me," Shinji said. "She hides it well," Kensuke said, smirking. "So, Shinji...what was it like to hump Asuka?" Touji asked. "Huh? Oh...that was nothing." "Tell me about it, I didn't even feel it," Asuka said, as she walked up behind the Idiot Trio. She smiled at them and made her exit. "What's with her today?" Shinji asked. "Must be her time of the month," Touji offered. "Okay you three morons! Get out of the game area and we can see how pitifully you did," Hikari commanded, then herded them out. The next group of Eva pilots crawled into the game entry plugs. -E- -V- -A- They all sat in the food court at the shopping center where the Evangelion game center was. "That was a fun game, until Rei killed me," Shinji remarked. Rei stuck her tongue out at Shinji, the took a sip of her drink. "If only those Eva units were real. It'd be really cool to really pilot them," Kensuke said, examining a book of schematics of the game Evas. "I guess, but Shinji would want his to anatomically correct," Asuka remarked. "I already said that was an accident!" Shinji insisted. "Shinji loves Asuka. Shinji loves Asuka!" Touji and Kensuke taunted. "Cut that out!" Shinji yelled. -E- -V- -A- The gang walked home from the mall. Rei was walking with Hikari in the back. "So is Asuka really Shinji's girlfriend?" Rei asked Hikari, softly. Hikari replied, "Not that I know of. They just grew up together." A small smile crossed Rei's face. [Finish?] ======================================================================= Author's notes/ramblings: This is a quick story that came to mind after seeing the final episode of Neon Genesis Evangelion. It's based in the alternate reality that Shinji briefly envisioned. Revision 0.1 July 11, 1998